


we're a trainwreck (waiting to happen)

by newheros



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - To All the Boys I've Loved Before Fusion, Denial of Feelings, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Falling In Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-10-20 15:33:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 36,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17625044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newheros/pseuds/newheros
Summary: "so, you're not going to fall for me again?""you're forgetting our contract already," donghyuck snorts. "there's no catching feelings. i ain't breaking my own rules."under the table, their knees knock against one another. donghyuck has actually never been so close to punching – or kissing – a boy on the mouth, and it doesn't help that yukhei smiles unabashedly."funny," he says. "i thought you were the best at breaking them."(simply put, the one in which lee donghyuck has always been good at falling in love and even better at lying to himself. the fake relationship with wong yukhei is just the cherry on top.)





	1. part one

**Author's Note:**

> WELL HELLO MY FELLOW HYUCKHEIS 
> 
> one day nanal said "you should write some hyuckhei" so i started writing this and thought it was nice enough to post. thanks to tessie for always being my beta reader!!! and shoutout to all the 5 hyuckhei shippers that are going to read this yall rock lets get this tag going on 
> 
> i'm //so// excited for this so thank you for being here. i truly hope you like this story. 
> 
> title from lorde's a world alone
> 
> [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/yourdietsoda/playlist/4Hk9QsNWylxicNxqv83sUQ?si=aQuLPcakTD2NpZdM_vEUtQ)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i'm kind of posting this on impulse? but anyway here's the first part of this journey.
> 
> beware of feelings. or something like that. yay

_You're in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won't tell you that he loves you, but he loves you. And you feel like you've done something terrible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself a grave in the dirt, and you're tired. You're in a car with a beautiful boy, and you're trying not to tell him that you love him, and you're trying to choke down the feeling, and you're trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you've discovered something you don't even have a name for._

(SIKEN, Richard. "You Are Jeff", in "Crush", 2005.)

 

_All the double-edged people into schemes_

_They make a mess, then go home and get clean_

_You're my best friend and we're dancing in a world alone_

_A world alone, we're all alone._

 

_I know we're not everlasting_

_We're a trainwreck waiting to happen._

 

(LORDE. "A World Alone", in "Pure Heroine", 2013.)

 

.

 

[ _Hello! This is the man, the myth, the legend, Lee Donghyuck talking, and I'm here to tell you a story._

 _One day, a really long time ago, my childhood best friend – Mark – told me that he doesn't know how to function if he doesn't write his feelings down. I thought that maybe I was like that too, but I can't just sit down and write about this, I've tried it before. What you'll learn from all of this, receiver of this tape, is that sometimes I feel things so intensely that I don't know what else to do. So I sit down, and I grab this audio recorder that used to be my dad's, and I talk. And I talk and talk and talk. 'Cause I'm very good at it in general. So take a seat if you want, this is going to be one hell of a ride._ ]

 

.

 

“I'm going to miss the hell out of you, munchkin!”

Donghyuck nods furiously, face well buried in the hoodie of the older man. He's never been shy when it comes to crying in public, but he's truly going to miss the weight of Taeyong's hands on his back. It's always like this, but it never gets easier.

“Don't take too long to come back,” he replies, voice muffled by the fabric. “And don't forget to take your vitamins. And stop calling me munchkin, I'm seventeen.”

Someone behind him giggles. Donghyuck feels a little tap on his back and detaches himself from his older brother, proceeding to cross his arms. “Also, use sunscreen,” he adds. “And _don't_ grow back the mullet, Taeyong.”

To match the tears in his eyes, Taeyong's bottom lip juts out in a pout.

“Sometimes I wonder who's the older brother here,” Johnny comments, cheekily. His hand comes up to ruffle Donghyuck’s hair at the same time that Taeyong's arms wrap around his waist. “He'll be just fine, Duckie. He's a grown boy."

“I know how to take care of myself, like I've always known,” Taeyong adds, matter-of-factly. “Besides, if it all goes well, I'll be back for summer _and_ Christmas next year. There's no reason for you to be all over me!"

Donghyuck sighs, nodding and looking down at the handbag on the floor by their feet so he doesn't have to take in all the glory of his brother and his boyfriend sucking face in the middle of an airport. Such sights are better off ignored.

"Hey!" Chenle knocks his hip against Donghyuck's, multiple magazines in hand. "Can you guys please stop being gross in public? I don't want to throw up so early."

"Geez," replies Taeyong when he's finished. "I haven't even left and you're already getting cocky?"

Chenle shrugs. "Ever since you left for college I only listen to Donghyuck. He's the older brother now for all I know."

At that, Taeyong looks defeated. He sighs, proceeding to pull their youngest brother in a rib-crushing hug, and Donghyuck smiles at that. He wishes their mom could be there, to see them all so grown up. But there are certain things you get when you grow up – like how some brothers don't live together, how some mothers can't possibly be everywhere at the same time, how you have to learn not to be bothered about it. He sighs, then, letting Johnny pull him into one of his own rib-crushing hugs as well because Johnny is just like that.

Taeyong pats Chenle's bright green hair with a hand before leaning away. “Well,” he says, trying to fix the uneven strings of his brother's hoodie. “You guys don't forget to keep me updated through Facetime, alright?”

See, the very first time they dropped Taeyong off by the airport, nearly four years before, Donghyuck thought of giving a very nice speech of encouragement, so that his brother could go to his new university all inspired and proud of the little brother he was leaving behind to grow into a big brother of his own. But Donghyuck only bawled his eyes out, much in contrast to Chenle's unfaltering smile, and Taeyong just pressed a kiss to their foreheads with a promise that he'd be back for Christmas. Like he always does.

As the years flew by, it didn't change much. Same thing as it has always been. Taeyong comes home, he brings gifts, he sleeps for a whole day, he takes them out for quality brother time, they watch Say Yes To The Dress with Johnny and play BlackJack with mom until ungodly hours and for days, Taeyong packs his things again and Donghyuck cries, then they’re shipping him off to France one more time.

It's always the same, pretty much like the rest of his life, and that's why Donghyuck dreams of something interesting happening every year, so he'll actually have what to tell Taeyong through Facetime during the time he's away. Since nothing really interesting even happens, but he doesn't want to hurt his brother’s feelings, Donghyuck smiles.

“Of course, dude.”

The thing is, Donghyuck _truly_ always expects his life to be a lot different every time his brother goes away. He wants change for once, wants to think that his life has become a little more interesting since the last time he saw Taeyong walking through the boarding gate. That's what he tells a still-sniffling Johnny after they say goodbye for good and they're both walking back to Johnny's car.

“So, you think your life is boring,” the older man concludes. Donghyuck nods, and Chenle seems too far interested in his DS game to pay attention to their talk.

“I just wanted something different,” he replies. “Cause every time Taeyong leaves means school is coming back and I'm the same as always, and I won't have anything cool to tell him when he asks, you know?"

Johnny unlocks the car and they get in, and Donghyuck's hand flies to the aux cord so he can connect his phone and listen to something.

“The more you look for the extraordinary, the more ordinary you'll find,” Johnny replies. Then, he winces. “Ew, I hate this song.”

“Respect One Direction, Shakespeare, would you?”

“I said I hate the _song_ , not them. Did you listen to what I said?”

Donghyuck sighs. He finishes building up a queue and drops the phone on his lap. “I just really wish something nice happens to me next year. But the most fun I've had in years was that time Jaemin puked on my shoes and you had to clean them for me."

Johnny smiles at the road ahead. "That's what you get for underage drinking. Now, text your mom to let her know we just left the airport."

Before he can reply with an "On it!", Chenle leans forward on his seat and shoves his face in Donghyuck's ear. "I _knew_ that you guys got shitfaced that day, I can't believe you drink alcohol without mom knowing."

He tries to push the younger boy away. "It's not a big deal."

Johnny shakes his head, eyes on the road ahead. "It is, though. Duckie won't do it again, will he?"

When he stops to think about it, Donghyuck realizes that Johnny feels more like family than every other boyfriend his brother ever had. He's the kind of guy you wouldn't want to disappoint solely for the fact that he is the nicest to you. Besides, he's the older brother after all. So Donghyuck sighs, shoves Chenle away again for good measure, "Of course I won't."

"Sure," Chenle snorts.

Donghyuck finishes typing the text to their mom and drops his phone on his lap again. "I'm serious, I'm telling you this before any of your dumb friends start forcing you to drink," he says. "There are many ways to have fun without getting shitfaced."

He can practically feel Taeyong patting his back mentally for that, and Johnny sends him a pride smile for the speech. As for Chenle, he just leans back on his seat and plays Animal Crossing until his DS runs out of battery, not really impressed by the impromptu pep talk.

 

.

 

Donghyuck shoves the memory of the ride home from a couple days before on the back of his mind and knocks his glass with Renjun's. "To a fucking awful year, Injun."

Renjun winces at the bitter taste of wine then nods. "To a fucking awful year," he echoes. "Thanks for spending New Year with me, by the way."

He smiles. "I didn't have nowhere else to go-- _ouch_ , did you really have to kick me? How about we start 2018 with no hitting?"

Unbothered, Renjun shrugs. He puts his now half-empty glass on the coffee table and proceeds to stretch his legs, resting them on top of Donghyuck's.

At the end of the day, it isn't such a strange idea to spend New Year's eve at the Huang's. Donghyuck has been doing that since forever, actually – because ever since Taeyong went to France, New Year's eve became a pizza and ice cream night and his mother doesn't bother if they find another place to stay. In fact, Donghyuck knows that her type of perfect night is binge-watching a show on Netflix until she gets too tired and Chenle _never_ agrees with what she wants to watch, because he likes being a prick. So here is Donghyuck, spending the night with one of his best friends, and Chenle is doing whatever at Jisung's, and their mom is catching up with the The Handmaid's Tale episode she was watching before dropping him at Renjun's, and Taeyong is at some party in France, probably. The usual.

Donghyuck wishes he was at a party, but the only kids who throw end of the year parties in his school are the ones he likes to avoid. So he drops one of his hands on Renjun's calf and pinches him just for the sake of it.

"You dick," the other boy complains. Renjun sighs. "Do you wanna get more food?"

"I'm good, actually," Donghyuck replies. "I'm in the mood for Buzzfeed Unsolved and getting drunk,"

Renjun smiles. He reaches for the remote on the coffee table. "Now we're talking, Hyuckie."

When it's almost midnight and Renjun's parents force them to go to the front porch to see the fireworks, Donghyuck _is_ drunk, and if anyone notices his flushed cheeks, no comment is made. He hopes Renjun's mother isn't gonna tell his. He sits in the grass with Renjun by his side, head thrown back and ready to watch all of those beautiful colors, and wishes _hard_ that 2018 brings him something nice to recall in the future.

But the clock ticks midnight and the fireworks are the same as always and Donghyuck is still drunk. He leans into Renjun's touch when the latter hugs him sideways, wishing him a good 2018, and Donghyuck doesn't remember wishing him one as well, but he probably did.

Same old, same old. He excuses himself to call his mom and Taeyong, and then promptly falls asleep on Renjun's bed after that.

 

.

 

"Fuck, is that an eyebrow piercing?"

Donghyuck groans, dropping his tray on the table with more force than he intended to. Sitting on the other side, Jaemin snorts when his can of Schweppes rolls over and ends up on Renjun's tray instead. Donghyuck picks it up with a pout.

" _Two_ eyebrow piercings," the pink-haired boy corrects, sounding more amused than Donghyuck would like. He rips a packet of baby carrots open and dips one into his homemade vegan yogurt sauce, offering it to him after. Donghyuck shakes his head.

Renjun pats the latter on the back as if he's saying sorry. He might be. "I heard everyone's swooning over him," he says. "And when I say "heard", I mean in a literal way. I was in his class earlier to talk about the newspaper, and all people talked about was him."

"And isn't that fucking amazing," Donghyuck complains to his sandwich. "God, I wish he would just throw me to the nearest wall and--"

Jaemin leans over the table to pop a baby carrot in his mouth. Donghyuck munches on it sadly. "Lucas Wong is so hot," he continues, nevertheless. "He can put the Sun to shame."

Renjun snorts a "Please, shut up," and the same time that Jaemin replies "I know, right?", and this is high school for you. When he stops to think about it, Donghyuck couldn't be happier than to spend all of these hell years with his best friends. If he's going to suffer all the way through it because of beautiful boys and, what else, Chemistry or whatever, he might as well have Renjun and Jaemin by his side.

But then again, Lucas. Lucas Wong. It's no surprise that most girls and guys in their year are swooning over him now that they suddenly realized he's hot, but Donghyuck had been there _first_. He has dibs, even though no one else knows about it.

See, he might not have been his first love – that would be Mark Lee, but that's a story for another time –, but he surely was his second, and Donghyuck recalls perfectly all of those afternoons spent in swimming class, laughing at whatever dumb joke that absurdly tall disaster had told him, and then spending the rest of his week thinking about holding hands with him. Everybody called him _Xuxi_ back then, and Donghyuck _has_ dibs, thank you very much.

Sure, he got over it through the years. And when the crush came back, he got over him again like a champ. Other crushes came and went but, boy, he'd be lying if he said he wouldn't happily go out on a date with him or something. Or just make out. Donghyuck would take anything, really, especially now that he realized he might have a thing for (double!) eyebrow piercings.

He leans over the table and steals another baby carrot from Jaemin's package. "Anywaaaaaaays," Donghyuck says. "What are we up to this year, my dudes?"

Renjun motions for him to hold on, then proceeds to fish out a journal from his backpack and drops it on top of the table, right in the middle of them. Donghyuck motions for it instantly but Jaemin slaps his hand away. "Hey!"

Content, Renjun searches for a certain page then spreads the journal open.

"I'm drawing a comic," he says, pointing at the notes he's scribbled on the dotted paper. "Well, I _will_ be drawing a comic. I haven't thought about the characters yet."

Donghyuck smiles, throwing an arm around Renjun's shoulders to pull him into a sided-hug. "This is so cool! We'll help you with it, right, Nana?"

"Of course you will," Renjun replies, and Jaemin nods in agreement contently. He probably knew about it already, Donghyuck thinks. "Otherwise I'll find nicer people to turn into characters."

Donghyuck's chin drops. "I want _superpowers_ ! And, also, purple hair and _\--_ "

 

.

 

Having studied in the same school for his entire life, it's no surprise that Donghyuck has his way with most of the teachers there. He can get away with anything, really, only because he prefers to be nice to them than being a total asshole like some of his classmates. C'mon, his mom (and Taeyong) raised him right.

That being said, it's more than common to find him laying under the sun during P. E., scrolling through Instagram like he's got nothing better to do. He prefers the spot right by the school's field, so he can tease Jaemin when he's running laps – because he's one of those people who actually like exercise, and Donghyuck can't stand that kind of thing, really – and also have a runaway escape just in case the principal is talking a walk outside or something like that. He even sends a text to Renjun, knowing the latter is still stuck in a double period of Chemistry, just to see if he's going to get blocked or something, but Renjun only leaves him on read.

Donghyuck drops the phone on his chest and closes his eyes, more than ready to take a nap. His plans, though, are interrupted when he feels the presence of someone.

"I'm not interested in buying drugs or running laps," he says, without opening his eyes. "Or talking. Shoo, shoo."

"Are you interested in me, though?"

Donghyuck sits up so fast he gets whiplash, and nothing in the world could have prepared him for this.

"What the fuck? What are you doing here, Lucas?" he asks.

The older boy flashes him a grin for ear to ear, and it makes something inside Donghyuck's stomach to a flip, but he brushes off the feeling just as quick. The other is sitting too close for his liking, so he leans away a little bit, heart beating so hard inside his ribcage he can feel it in his ears.

"You still call me that?"

"It's your _name_?"

He shrugs. "People are more into Yukhei now, but you do you."

Donghyuck stares. "Okay, _Yukhei_ , we don't have P.E. in the same period. You shouldn't be skipping class."

"They can't hold me back for another year!" Yukhei laughs, leaning back on his hands. He looks too good under the sun, it's insufferable, so Donghyuck looks away to the students running laps. "They're dying for me to get out of here. But, hey, Lee Donghyuck! You didn't answer my question."

He tilts his head. "What?"

Yukhei then leans in, dangerously close, wearing the same smile from earlier. "Are. You. Interest. In. Me?", he asks, fishing something from the pocket of his denim jacket and holding it up for Donghyuck to see.

The cassette tape almost mocks him, secure between Yukhei's fingers and just the way Donghyuck remembers it to be – with the tiniest sun sticker he stole from Renjun's stash, the _LD to LW_ written in his messy handwriting. He grabs it in a heartbeat and pushes the other boy away.

"How did you get this?" Donghyuck asks. "Did you break into my house?"

Yukhei furrows his brows. "Of course not, I wouldn't ever break into anyone's house. You sent it to me. I got it last week."

" _Sent_ it?"

It's suddenly too hot. Donghyuck thinks he's going to pass out. Sure, he remembers setting up packages for the tape – for _all_ of his tapes –, but only for the sake of it. Something he also remembers, and clearly, is hiding all of them under the loose wood board next to his bed. Donghyuck knows, for a fact, that all of his five tapes – the five tapes he recorded for five different boys – are totally secure there. Or so he thought. Because there's no way in hell Yukhei could have broke into his house to get _this_ , no one else knows about the tapes.

"You should know," Donghyuck starts. "That I recorded this a long time ago. Like, in 2016. Whatever it is that you heard, I don't feel like that anymore."

Yukhei pouts. "So you don't hold me close to your heart anymore?"

Donghyuck wants to scream. He looks around to see if anyone's hearing them, to check if this is some kind of sick prank that Yukhei is playing on him – but Donghyuck knows he would never, ever do something like that. Yukhei is not the kind of boy that makes fun of someone's feelings, and that's why there's not even the tiniest hint of malice in his tone when he speaks again. "You don't like me? Like that?"

"No," Donghyuck replies. Because he doesn't. "I don't. As I said in the tape, I'm over you now."

When Yukhei tilts his head, he almost looks upset about it, but Donghyuck knows better. There's no reason why Wong Yukhei – ah, scratch that, why _Lucas_ would be upset Donghyuck is not in love with him anymore.

He feels his chest tightening. "So, you got this on the mail."

"Yeah, I mean," Yukhei replies, motioning vaguely with his hand. He wears the same black ring as always, Donghyuck doesn't know what's it for, but he follows it with his eyes until Yukhei drops the hand on his lap again. "I came home one day and my dad gave the package to me. It had your name and everything. I thought about sending a message but I'm trying to disconnect myself from Facebook because all these social networks are--"

"You got this on the _mail_ ," Donghyuck repeats. He groans. "Fuck my life."

"-- totally vices, but that's just me. Are you going to have a meltdown right now? Like, dude, I'm flattered, but since you don't even like me anymore, why would you..."

Donghyuck grabs his bag from the floor and gets up. " _Lucas_ ," he says, "I'm going to leave now, and you're going to forget everything about this. We'll never talk about it again, _ever_. So," he waves with the tape on his hand. "Have a nice rest of your life and never speak to me again!"

And, like that, Donghyuck runs.

 

.

 

Finding the record player in the library isn't difficult, but Donghyuck has always been shit at dealing with his feelings – hence, why he recorded tapes for every boy he's ever loved in search of closure –, so he sits with his back pressed to a bookcase and sighs.

There are five in total, just like this one in Donghyuck's hands right now. The same tiny cassette tapes that his father left for him, alongside the audio recorder. He was a journalist and a classy man, so he had this kind of thing going on. When Donghyuck started to realize he's never learned how to feel things softly, always going overboard with his love, he decided to just sit down and record everything he wanted to say to his crushes but couldn't. For good measure, he'd put the tape inside a package and address it, even if he wouldn't ever send it. Just because, you know, aesthetics. Then, he'd hide it in his room and wait for his feelings to eventually go away, like they always did.

Donghyuck rubs the tiny sticker glued to the tape. It hasn't worn out through the years because he hasn't touched the tape ever since recording it back in 2016, right before his junior year started. And to think that Yukhei knows about it now, _damn it_ , Donghyuck hits his head against the bookcase, cursing under his breath. He adjusts his earbuds, puts the tape inside the record player and presses a button.

Rubbing a hand on his face, Donghyuck _cringes_ . First of all, his voice has changed a _lot_ since 2016. Second of all, the thought of Yukhei listening to this has him wanting to die. Straight up die. There's no other option.

He remembers it so well, honestly, sitting in his room one day when no one was at home, and talking and talking and talking about Lucas until it felt enough. Because all Donghyuck wanted was this: feeling like he's done enough for him not to feel he was going to choke on his feelings. He didn't _ever_ want anyone to find out about it. He sighs.

[ _Hello! This is the man, the myth, the legend, Lee Donghyuck talking, and I'm here to tell you a story._

_One day, a really long time ago, my childhood best friend – Mark – told me that he doesn't know how to function if he doesn't write his feelings down. I thought that maybe I was like that too, but I can't just sit down and write about this, I've tried it before. What you'll learn from all of this, receiver of this tape, is that sometimes I feel things so intensely that I don't know what else to do. So I sit down, and I grab this audio recorder that used to be my dad's, and I talk. And I talk and talk and talk. 'Cause I'm very good at it in general. So take a seat if you want, this is going to be one hell of a ride._

_Lucas, I don't know if you remember it, but we took swimming classes back in middle school, and I used to follow you around all the time. Thinking of it, perhaps it was a little annoying, but I just really loved being with you. You were so nice to me, we used to play catch in the pool after class until our moms picked us up. I stopped taking swimming classes after a while, though, and I only saw you in school when you were hanging out with Mark. But then Mark moved and I didn't know if I still could talk to you so I just stopped, and high school began and suddenly you had a lot of friends, and I started thinking that maybe you forgot about me._

_But you didn't. Even when I was still in middle school, you always said "hi" to me in the hallways. When I became a freshman, you did that too. On top of that, you didn't ever forget to invite me to your birthday parties. And now sometimes you see me skating home and you ask if I want a ride because you have your license now but I never accept it because I don't know what I would do if I was alone with you. Not in the creepy way, of course. I just think that maybe I'd end up wanting to kiss you and then I'd be sad because I can't._ ]

" _Not in the creepy way, of course,_ " Donghyuck echoes. "What a dumbass. God, why am I like this?"

He pauses and checks to see if the librarian is after him, but the entire place is empty save for him. Then Donghyuck presses play again.

[ _Truth is that I am in love with you, and I don't know what to do. And I bet you hear this all the time, but you're really fucking nice, Lucas Wong. You're the loudest boy I've ever met and you're always laughing at shit and your smile, damn, it's got me hooked.  You're one of those people who look like the Sun, with that kind of energy that just makes everyone around you feel good just because you're there. I know that because you make me feel really good when you're around._ ]

Picture this: Lucas-- Yukhei sitting in his room, listening to Donghyuck going on and on about his crush, probably laughing because he laughs at everything. And with the way he's talked about it earlier, Donghyuck knows that he didn't think less of his feelings, not even once. Yukhei is too good, it makes his chest hurt. He wasn't supposed to find out about this. Ever.

[ _One of these days, well, a few months ago actually, I had a really shitty day and you walked me home, and you sang One Direction songs for me because you know I love them, and you had just taken off your braces so you looked really fucking cute while trying to make me feel better. And you didn't even ask me why I was sad, you just told me to take care. And that day I realized you would never stop being the nice kid you were as a kid. And it got me thinking that I like you a fucking lot. I am so fucking in love with you I don't know what to do with myself._ ]

Oh, that. That Donghyuck remembers as well. He had a fight with Chenle, a very bad one, and all he wanted to do was go home and sulk but he still had afternoon classes to attend. He spent the entirety of them drawing silly doodles on the back of his notebooks, and ditched Jaemin's ride home so he could walk and think about stuff.

Yukhei had found him at the school gates. Donghyuck didn't want to talk to him, but it was Yukhei, well, it was _Lucas_ , you can never say no to him. So they walked home together, – living in close neighbourhoods had its perks –, and Donghyuck must have had the biggest pout ever on his face because Lucas realized he was upset in a heartbeat. So he did something only people like Lucas did. He sang. He sang horribly, at the top of his lungs, to one or two songs from Midnight Memories and when Donghyuck stops to think about it, it's so obvious that he's had an One Direction phase because those songs _weren't_ singles.

And Donghyuck was happy. He was really fucking happy, to be honest. He'd never been so in love before. And it makes something inside his stomach twist, to remember it so vividly. He sighs and continues listening.

[ _I'm getting kind of emotional right now, so I'm sorry if my voice sounds a little weird. Lucas, you're not my first love, but if I had to choose, out of all the boys I've loved before, I'd choose you. Anytime. You're not my first love but you're probably the biggest of them. And that fucking sucks because I know you'll never feel the same about me, 'cause you can have anyone in this school, 'cause there's no way a cool junior like you is going to fall for a sophomore like me._ ]

He pauses, sighing. "So fucking dramatic, I wonder why I left drama class."

The bell to the next class rings and he should get going. Donghyuck knows how the tape ends, he doesn't really need to hear it, but he presses play either way.

[ _This... This is why I'm recording this tape. This is how I get immune to you, Lucas Wong. I'm dropping you as a crush, or whatever. I had a really nice time loving you, though, and don't you forget that. I think I'll always hold you close to my heart somehow. But, for now, I'm letting you go._

 _Lee Donghyuck, over and out._ ]

Donghyuck chuckles at himself. It's as bittersweet and as dramatic as things are when you're sixteen and so in love, but if he's not terribly wrong, this one is not nearly as sad as other tape he's recorded, the one…

Donghyuck knocks his head against the bookcase so hard that a couple of books fall over.

 _Jeno_. If Yukhei's got his tape, there's no guarantee that Jeno hasn't. And Donghyuck doesn't even want to think what's going to happen if he hears his tape. He suddenly feels an urge to cry, but there's no way in hell he's going to cry in school grounds – he's stopped with that in freshman year –, so Donghyuck puts the fallen books back on their places and gets up from the floor.

He leaves the record player inside the drawer where he found it and goes home.

 

.

 

"Hey, you goblin," Donghyuck knocks on the doorstep before leaning against it. From where he's sitting on the desk by the window, Chenle looks up at him. "Did you take something from my room recently?"

Chenle doesn't answer, slowly lowering his pencil. Donghyuck sighs.

"Please, tell me if you did, I promise I won't be mad. I just need to know because it's really important."

Then, Chenle shrugs. "Only your cool combat boots. I wanted to wear them for New Year at Jisung's, but they're already back in your drawer."

Donghyuck sighs. He knows he's not lying. Chenle might be an evil mastermind when he wants to be, but he'd never lie to his face like that if it was important. It's one of the two things Taeyong made them promise before he left. No lying to each other, and never to give artificial bones to the dog because it makes him sick.

"It's just--" he starts, knocking his head lightly against the doorstep. "It's something from dad. I don't know where it could be and I already looked everywhere."

Chenle nods, then picks up his pencil again. "Maybe it went with the donation boxes? You should ask mom about it when she comes home. But I swear I didn't take anything from your bedroom besides the boots."

Donghyuck gives him a thumbs up and leaves.

This is a nightmare. A true nightmare come true. He's looked under the loose wood board a thousand times, wishing that somehow the tapes are going to appear there if he tries hard enough. If Chenle hasn't taken them and Taeyong's room is as empty as it has always been, there's no other place in the house where someone could have put the packages. He even looked inside their mother's room, but there's really no reason why she would bother with some mail packages and Donghyuck is sure she doesn't know about the loose board on the floor. Otherwise she'd just have it fixed.

Donghyuck runs both hands through his hair, groaning all the way to the kitchen. He prepares a sandwich with whatever's available in the fridge and eats it while going through Facebook. He stops himself from liking all of Yukhei's stupid memes like he always does because it would be _different_ , you know, just different.

One thing's for sure, Donghyuck thinks, while munching on his tuna sandwich. The tapes are out and there's nothing he can do about it.

Maybe learn how to shut up for once. But that's something for another story. He stubbornly reacts _Hahaha_ to one of Yukhei's posts and locks his phone.

 

.

 

"You can't keep hiding forever and you know it."

Donghyuck rests his head against the cool tiles of the bathroom. The phone in his hand tells him he has a class starting soon and he shouldn't miss Math so early in the year. "I'm perfectly fine with spending the rest of the school year here," he replies. "You can bring me notes, record me classes, even. I can take finals here, too, if Doyoung talks to the other teachers."

When Renjun punches the stall's door, Donghyuck replies with a scream. It makes the other students in the bathroom leave quickly, Donghyuck hears the footsteps.

"First of all, Doyoung hates your fucking guts ever since you said you hated his horrendous boat shoes. Second of all, Lee Donghyuck, get your ass out of there right now. You're not the kind of person who runs from boys, especially from boys like Mark Lee. Am I right or am I right?"

He groans. "You're never wrong."

On the other side of the door, Renjun laughs. "I'm never forgetting about this. Now come, we gotta get to Math."

See, Donghyuck is not a coward. In fact, Jaemin once wrote him a birthday text that said he was one of the bravest boys he's ever seen. Donghyuck remembers it because he printed it, and because he cried, and because Jaemin repeated it one time when he was drunk. He cried at that too. But the thing is: Donghyuck is not a coward. He doesn't run from boys. Well, he _does_ , but he doesn't run from boys like Mark Lee, of all people.

It's just that Donghyuck wasn't prepared to see his first love walking into class after spending years living far away. Tall – well, as tall as he can get, the poor soul –, blonde and gorgeous. Like McDonald's fries. Donghyuck is starving, he forgot to eat breakfast, and he didn't even know Mark was coming back. A little warning would be nice, something like "Hey! Remember me, your childhood bestie? I know we stopped talking but I'm going back to your town and this is a heads up 'cause I got really fucking pretty and you're going to be mad about it. Have a nice day!". Donghyuck isn't asking for much, is he?

They're in the middle of the school year, for Heaven's sake. What is he thinking? Donghyuck follows Renjun through the corridor with a scowl on his face, tugging at the straps of his backpack all the way through class.

"The fuck is he doing in our year, by the way," he whispers, when they're sitting together in the middle of the classroom, next to a window. "He was supposed to graduate last year. Do you think he flunked? It's impossible. He's such a fucking nerd, has always been one."

Renjun sighs, opening his book in the right page for him. Donghyuck thanks him with a smile.

"Can you chill? He told me he got held back as soon as he went to school in Canada. Haven't you checked his Facebook? We'd know if he graduated, Mark posts about absolutely everything because he has no sense of self-respect or whatsoever."

Donghyuck shakes his head frantically. "I unfollowed him at the end of freshmen year because he made that long ass post about Captain America: Civil War and I don't talk with people who can't enjoy comics without getting carried away by their undying love for Marx. Like, I agree with him about everything including the nationalism issue because it got me thinking, but Team Cap forever, you know? Also because he had a really cute profile pic back then and I was _pressed--_ "

He's hit by a ball of paper at the back of his head. Donghyuck hisses, turning around to see who did it, and Renjun laughs so hard that he has to duck his face in his arms.

Everyone at the back of the classroom has a serious face going on except for one person. Donghyuck can't _believe_ Yukhei sometimes, how he just sits there with a smirk on his face and his stupid eyebrow piercings and how dare him throw a paper ball at him? "I'm going to fucking murder you," Donghyuck mouths, and Yukhei just shrugs, pointing at the teacher who's starting the lecture.

When Donghyuck turns around, Renjun pats him on the back.

"You're not going to kiss him if you keep telling him you'll kill him, you know. Doesn't work, trust me."

"Shut the fuck up, gremlin," Donghyuck groans. He grabs a pencil and starts copying the exercises on the blackboard. "I'm done with boys. We're all just insufferable."

Renjun just nods, because he knows it's true.

They survive Math without difficulty, and Donghyuck even manages not to blush furiously when Yukhei asks for help on two exercises – of _all_ the people in the room, honestly, Donghyuck doesn't know what's up with him, but at the end of the day he gets it.

Despite being so popular – for being at the volleyball team, for having double eyebrow piercings, for being the loudest boy to ever exist, for being the nicest too –, Yukhei doesn't have a lot of friends. Donghyuck knows it because his closest friends all graduated last year, while Yukhei flunked really bad. He talks with everyone because he's Yukhei, and he started having lunch with the volleyball dudes by the end of the past year, but Donghyuck never sees him hanging out with anyone in the meantime.

It must suck. So he doesn't say anything when Yukhei drags a chair to his desk and spends the rest of the class doing exercises next to him, complaining loudly at the things he doesn't understand and earning them ugly looks from their teacher.

No, Donghyuck can't blame him. Not at all.

 

.

 

"So," Donghyuck drops an apple on one of the red trays from the cafeteria, the new ones that still smell a little like plastic and not like last week's meatloaf… perpetually. "You're back. Why is that?"

Mark does the same, except his apple rolls off the tray and to the floor, and he loses it forever in between the multiple feet moving in the crowded place. He pouts, and it looks so much like he's twelve again that Donghyuck has to look away or else he'll call him nerd. "Dad got a job offer," he replies. "But I didn't really mind about it because I wanted to go to college here anyway."

The other boy nods accordingly, and he starts putting food on his plate meticulously because Donghyuck hates his food touching, so he gets lost a little in whatever Mark's talking about – how school haven't changed, how he doesn't recognize anyone, how he wants to get into the soccer team. He feels a little bad about it, but Mark always talks more than he wants to about anything. He just doesn't know where he's going most of the time, to be honest. Donghyuck always thought that it was because his brain never stopped running wild, which can either be because he's brilliant or the crippling anxiety. Or both.

"It's funny to have you in my year," Donghyuck tells him, when they're sitting at a table by the window, where a bench used to be when they were kids, and they'd just sit there with their sandwiches and banana milk, watching the older kids eat. "Back in the day I used to brag about having an older friend, I felt like I was so cool."

Mark laughs, and perhaps they're not much different from when they were twelve. He takes all of the carrot on his salad and puts it on a napkin by the side of his place. Donghyuck does the same but with the onion. Picky eaters.

"So," Mark says somewhere through lunch, when the silence started to become awkward. "What have you been up to?"

Donghyuck munches on his pasta slowly. _Oh! Nothing much, Mark Lee. I recorded five tapes to the five boys I liked through the years – you included! – and they're probably out there for them to listen, by the way, did you receive yours? Did you like what I said about your eyes? If so, don't forget to subscribe to the channel and leave a thumbs up! Also, please, forget that I ever existed, thaaaank you._

"I got a 8,8 in Chemistry last semester," he replies. "Highlight of my high school years, really. What about you? Anything shocking you wanna tell me?”

Mark scratches his head. “I'm bisexual?”

Donghyuck drops his fork, and the impact of it against his plate makes the tomato sauce fly all the way to Mark's white hoodie. He scrunches his nose at it and Donghyuck has to physically stop himself from screaming.

“That's… Nice,” he says. “Like, it's nice you realized it. I am, too. Well, gay, but yeah. Queers for life, right?”

Mark smiles happily, nodding. Then he changes the topic completely because that's Mark Lee for you, and Donghyuck is left thinking of how much time he spend talking on his tape about how it was really sad that Mark would never like him because he couldn't ever like boys. When he stops to think about it, it was kind of dumb, because sometimes people don't get their sexualities right until they're older, but Mark _never_ talked about boys.

Well, Donghyuck didn't, too, but only because he was afraid he'd let it slip that he was totally in love with him. Shit, maybe he was dumb to assume things.

He wonders if Mark has the tape, if he's listened to it and is talking to Donghyuck so he can reject him later, and then Donghyuck will have to explain that he no longer wants to “run his fingers through his silky hair”, “share lunch with him every day” and “listen to him talking about Percy Jackson for hours if that's what makes him happy”.

That's 12, 13-ish year old Donghyuck's thing. 17 year old Donghyuck wants to put a fist through his jaw for leaving, then maybe treat Mark to ice cream because he's not an asshole after all.

“Donghyuck.”

He looks up. “Huh?”

Mark opens an embarrassed smile, scratching his head again like he always does – well, like he always used to do – when he feels awkward. He, then, pushes his tray aside. “I have to talk to you about something.”

Donghyuck's sixth sense (also known as knowing when shit is going down) goes buckwild. He grabs the edges of his tray and gets up, so fast he almost slips. “Damn it, Mark, I just remembered I was supposed to meet with the principal to talk about universities! I'll catch up with you later!”

He's out of the cafeteria in a second, and he's thinking he should really stop running away at every chance he gets. He doesn't feel brave right now.

 

.

 

To be really fucking honest, Donghyuck has come to the conclusion that he doesn't feel guilty for it.

Maybe he would be if he had actually sent the tapes. If he had done it himself, he'd grow tired of running away because he'd be running away from dealing with his own problems. But he didn't send the tapes. He'd never, ever do that, so he's not the one to blame if he left Mark alone at the cafeteria to go hide under the bleachers.

Well, he didn’t exactly need to hide under the bleachers because of Mark. This kind of drastic last resort – because it _is_ forbidden to be under the bleachers, Renjun caused that rule to be created because he was once caught snogging a senior there and, well, it wasn't as appreciated by the school board as much as it was by the guy – is reserved for greater, more terrible fuck ups.

Like running into Lee Jeno, like, actually _running_ into him on his sprint down the corridor and watching in slow motion as the tape, that he covered in cat stickers because it felt special and cute but thinking about it now, it's just plain awkward, _flew_ from Jeno's hand to the end of the corridor, pretty much reminding him that his entire life is a joke.

Donghyuck felt like his heart was going to explode, and it wasn't because Jeno practically tackled him to the floor by accident because he's been pulling heights, he's heard, and Donghyuck has had the most failed growing spurt ever so he's still tiny, alright? Consequences of walking into your ex-crush when you least expect it!

So that's why he's under the bleachers. Because he ran. Again. From another boy. From _Jeno_ , of all people.

First things first, what was he thinking? Donghyuck runs a hand through his own hair, breathing in deeply through the nose because all that running is getting the best of him here. Walking around with his tape? Was he expecting to walk into Donghyuck?

Shit. Was Jeno looking after him? This is worse than any kind of apocalyptical scenario he could ever imagine.

He did ask Donghyuck to stop, at least twice, but Donghyuck thought that maybe Jeno would forget about him if he kept running.

“This _is_ a fucking nightmare,” he tells himself. “Look at what your big gay mess of a heart did, Donghyuck. Honestly.”

No biggie. Really, no biggie, he thinks. He's just going to way until class starts again, and maybe watch Literature in another classroom because he knows Jeno will be there and he's not doing it, no, no.

There's sudden noise coming from the soccer field, and Donghyuck turns to look at the students ready for a little match before break is over through the spaces between the levels of the bleachers. Maybe he should leave before someone notices he's there.

Donghyuck is walking back to the main building when someone calls to him, and he can't say his pace doesn't falter when he sees Yukhei jogging in his direction.

“Hey,” Yukhei smiles down at him. He points to the field at the distance. “Wanna play? I saw you leaving the bleachers.”

Donghyuck tilts his head, changing the weight of his body from one foot to the other. “Hmmm, soccer is not my cup of tea, sorry. I don't do sports.”

“That's why you're so short,” Yukhei snorts, but his eyes grow size their already big size in less than a second. “I don't think before I speak.”

Donghyuck laughs. Genuinely, the kind it just bursts out of you without previous warning. He reaches out to get a hold of Yukhei's arm. “It's fine, my brother actually says the same all the time,” he tells him, and Yukhei lets out a sigh of relief.

“No soccer then. Why were you hiding under the bleachers, by the way?”

See, Donghyuck doesn't really know why he tells Yukhei, of all people, but maybe it's because he'd truly choose him over any other receiver of a tape. He can't imagine himself telling, let's see, Mark, that he'd been running from Jeno. Or telling him anything at all, because Donghyuck had no intentions on ever talking about the tapes to anyone else. So he motions for the bench by the back entrance of the main building, and tells Yukhei about the encounter with one of his ex-crushes.

“Woah, Lee Jeno?” Yukhei whistles. “Understandable, I'd tap that any day.”

Donghyuck shakes his head. “First of all, who wouldn't. And you don't get it. I liked him a _lot_. If he listened to the tape, which he probably did, he knows more about my heart than my own mother. I will never be able to look him in the face again.”

Flashing him a smile, Yukhei arches his brows. “But did you like him less or more than you liked me?”

Ha. What a fool. Donghyuck actually wants to laugh, but then again, if he told Yukhei, he'd also know more about his heart than his own mother. Truth is, he doesn't really believe in liking someone more than other. He thinks that you just like people differently.

He didn't like Ong, his summer camp instructor, at age 14, the same way he crushed on Mark, for example. But that doesn't mean what he felt was less genuine – and, thinking about it now, he hopes Ong doesn’t even remember him because his tape was just cringe from beginning to end, Donghyuck doesn't trust his 14 year old self with platonic crushes for pretty boys like him –, just that he has many ways to like people. And he likes liking people differently.

But he’s not going to tell Yukhei that. He knows too much already. Donghyuck raises a hand to tap him on the cheek lightly. “This talk ain't happening, big boy.”

To no one's surprise, Yukhei nods in agreement. “Okie dokie,” he replies. “But you know you'll have to actually talk to them sometime, right? I mean, like you did with me.”

“I only talked to you because you forced me to, Wong Yukhei."

“That's not true. I just sat there, and you talked. You could have not talked, and I would've understood.”

Donghyuck pouts. “But I don't want to talk to them. To _any_ of them. It's just going to make me feel like shit because I'm a loser who records tapes to his five crushes.”

“ _Five_?” Yukhei’s chin drops. “I thought it was only us!”

When he shrugs, the older boy crosses his arms. “You do know how to make a guy feel special, Lee Donghyuck.”

Donghyuck is ready to give him a snarky remark, just to hide the fact that Yukhei's tape is probably the most special one he's recorded, but his gaze follows the way Yukhei moves when he pulls a knee to his chest and he _sees_ Mark walking towards them. Donghyuck's eyesight is a little shitty nowadays and he's in need or new glasses, but he knows for a fact that Mark has his tape somewhere with him, and he looks as determined as the mildly blurry vision of his face allows Donghyuck to see, and he's going to do the one thing he shouldn't in life because desperate times call for desperate measures, and he has to take business in his own hands.

Literally speaking. Donghyuck sighs and cups Yukhei's face with both his hands and whispers “I'm really sorry about this but I can explain later,” before kissing him square on the mouth.

You have to understand Donghyuck has been dreaming of kissing Wong Yukhei for years. He might have forgotten about the feeling a few times, found other mouths to kiss and all, but he'd be lying to himself if he said he didn't think of it frequently. He’s over it, sure, but it's just kissing! A kiss has never killed anybody before!

Well, that one last thing might be a lie. Donghyuck can feel his heart beating so, so hard inside his ribcage that he's afraid it's going to start hurting soon. Worse, he's afraid Yukhei's going to notice it. Shit. Yukhei. He's kissing Yukhei. He's not kissing Xuxi, the kid from his swimming classes, or Lucas, the coolest boy in middle school. He's kissing Yukhei, double eyebrow piercing, so nice it actually hurts, so pretty it actually hurts too, and the worst – or best – part of it is that Yukhei is kissing him back.

Donghyuck is _not_ delirious. He'd know if he was imagining things because he's been there before, fooling himself into thinking the other person was into it when they weren't really. Yukhei is kissing him back. His hands are on Donghyuck's lower back and at the nape of his neck, his tongue is on his mouth and it's doing things that make Donghyuck's toes curl inside his shoes. Yukhei is kissing him. HE IS.

Donghyuck regrets opening his eyes a little bit because seeing Mark walking away brings him back to Earth. He wants to keep on kissing Yukhei and pretending he didn't open his eyes, but there's something pooling on his stomach that doesn't feel anything like the nice warmth you get when you're kissing someone you… Liked.

It's guilt. Donghyuck knows it well. So he holds Yukhei's face again and fights the visceral urge to bite his bottom lip because they weren't even supposed to do this in the first place, and leans back.

“I'm a horrible person,” he tells him. Yukhei looks at him confusedly, and his eyelids look heavy, like when you can't quite open your eyes after kissing someone, and this fact alone makes Donghyuck's heart hurt so much that he detaches himself from Yukhei completely, sliding all the way to the other end of the bench. “Lucas, I-- Yukhei, I'm really sorry about this. I have to go. Sorry.”

He still tastes Yukhei's kiss when he enters his next class, and it makes funny things to his heart. But that's nobody's business but Donghyuck's anyways.  

 

.

 

Donghyuck manages to avoid all three of them until the end of the week with success – he ditches his classes with Jeno and survives solely on Jaemin's notes, only talks algebra to Yukhei during Math and straight up avoids all places Mark could possibly go. It's perfect, actually, because he has the excuse of having so much homework that he can't possibly go confront his ex-crushes, even if he wanted to.

But he can't escape other things. He's laying belly down on his bed, reading the first script of Renjun's comic book, when Chenle enters his room and drops down a package on his bed.

"This came in the mail just now," he says. "It's for you."

Donghyuck hums _a thank you, Lele_ and proceeds to take a look on the package. His head actually spins, and he turns to ask if it's some kind of joke but Chenle is nowhere to be seen, and Donghyuck is left alone with a letter from Ong Seongwu.

Ong. Ong. Ong. He hasn't seen him in nearly four years, yet Donghyuck remembers vividly that he looked so cute in the camp uniform, how he was so into telling stories and playing his own characters, how he was the coolest monitor ever – and Donghyuck was absurdly in love with him. Even if it lasted a single summer.

He sighs, tearing open the package and watching as his tape fell from it, with a folded caramel-colored paper. He taps a finger against the tape and opens the letter.

In neat handwriting, it reads:

 

_Donghyuck,_

_I do remember you, in case you're still wondering after all these years. I found your address in the old memory book and I hope you don't mind me writing you something. I apologize in advance if this is some kind of trouble._

_Although I'm flattered by your words – you've always been good with them, at least that's the memory I have of that one talent show back in 2014 –, I need to tell you that I'm far too old for you. I guess you know that already, but this is just me making sure. I also have a boyfriend, so maybe this wasn't meant to be._

_I hope you're well, and that you continue to be the bright and kind kid I remember you to be, and that perhaps you can find someone your age to date. Love is really complicated and I guess this kind of thing comes with age, but you'll get the ropes of it eventually, in case you haven't already. I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who appreciate you for who you are._

_Best of wishes,_

_Ong Seongwu. 18/01/04._

_P.S.: I'm sending back the tape because I imagine you'd like to have it. The feelings are yours, after all. Take care._

 

Donghyuck puts the letter down, presses his face down against his mattress, and screams.

Mortified. He's mortified, hands shaking a little and maybe he shouldn't have had Chenle's terrible joke of pancakes in the morning because Donghyuck thinks he might even throw up, but he keeps staring at the letter and the more he stares at it, the less desperate he becomes.

 _Love is really complicated and I guess this kind of thing comes with age, but you'll get the ropes of it eventually, in case you haven't already._ He wishes he could tell Ong that he hasn't got the ropes of it yet, and that he's afraid he'll never do it. And then he thinks that it was really nice of Ong to write him a letter when he could just send the tape back.

But then again, it wouldn't be Ong if he did that.

Donghyuck's heart chooses his crushes well. He tries to fight off a smile but ends up giggling softly as he folds the letter carefully and puts it back on the envelope, then crouches down beside his bed so he can put it and the tape inside his little handmade safe, right beside Yukhei's, where it all began.

 

.

 

When Donghyuck asked for interesting things to happen to him in 2018, he didn't picture this.

He could never picture this, actually, not even in a million years. It's ridiculous. It might be Fate making fun of him.

Donghyuck turns back in his chair to look at Yukhei, who's sitting at the very back of the classroom because he likes to take naps during English – "I'm fluent! There's nothing more I can learn!" –, and motions for Jisung to wake him up urgently.  

Han Jisung is a nightmare. He really is. Donghyuck is quite a menace himself, and they've been to detention together many, many times before. He knows he can always count on Jisung, be it for sneaking alcohol into school parties or just blowing something up. The blonde boy smiles brightly at him, mouthing a "Gotcha!" before kicking Yukhei's table. He wakes up, startled, hand coming up to his chest, and locks eyes with Donghyuck.

The latter raises his phone and waves with it, turning back on his seat.

 

Wong Yukhei (09:32)

soooooooooooooo

wanna fake date :3

 

Lee Donghyuck (09:35)

what the FUCK

 

Lee Donghyuck (10:01)

can you pls reply i can't concentrate in class

lucas.

PLEASE

 

Wong Yukhei (10:01)

srry fell asleep for a moment

do u wanna fake date

yes or no

(say yes)

 

Lee Donghyuck (10:02)

why would i want that/

?*

are you making fun of me

 

Lee Donghyuck (10:03)

for liking u in sophomore year

bc thats low

VERY low

 

A paper ball hits him in the back of the head. Donghyuck looks up to the teacher, but he's busy grading papers on his desk while everyone else should be working on their essays, and then the boy turns back to look at Yukhei.

"I would literally never, what the heck?" he mouths, perplexed. "Can we talk after class?"

Donghyuck can't have a conversation like this in person. He'd probably chicken out like always. "No, we can't!" he mouths, and turns his back to Yukhei.

 

Wong Yukhei (10:05)

hear me out

i need a favor

and you need to run from your ex-lovers

 

Lee Donghyuck (10:06)

can't be called ex-lovers

if we never dated

 

Wong Yukhei (10:06)

… anyways

fake date me so we can both benefit from this

i heard i'm a great boyfriend :D

 

Lee Donghyuck (10:07)

u never dated anyone??

 

Wong Yukhei (10:08)

i did actually

jaehyun jung last year

but he moved to america bc of college

 

Lee Donghyuck (10:09)

wtf i didn't know htat

 

Wong Yukhei (10:10)

we kept it casual

we're in good terms tho so don't worry

 

Lee Donghyuck (10:10)

why would i be worried

why the fuck do u need a fake bf for

lmao

 

Wong Yukhei (10:11)

my cousin's wedding

in october i guess

 

Lee Donghyuck (10:11)

we won't even be in school

when october comes

so that's no excuse????

take a friend as ur +1 wtf

 

Wong Yukhei (10:12)

i can't

bec my cousin

not the one gwtting married, the other

she keeps bragging abt her girlfriend

“oh haseul's the cutest girl ever blablabla”

i have to step up my game yk

 

Lee Donghyuck (10:12)

what

u wanna compete to see

who has the cutest s/o????

 

It's stupid, but Donghyuck's heart clenches. Of course Yukhei would do something like that.

 

Wong Yukhei (10:13)

yes so im asking the cutest boy i know

to be my (fake) cute boyfriend

we kissed already so its perfect!

 

Lee Donghyuck (10:13)

i'm ignoring u on that last part

how will i benefit from this again?

 

Wong Yukhei (10:14)

jeno and mark will leave u alone

 

Wong Yukhei (10:15)

cuz youd have a hot

and smart

and cool bf of your own

:D

 

Lee Donghyuck (10:16)

ur not all that

 

Wong Yukhei (10:16)

i am

plus theyd feel threatened by how cool i am

see, i have 3 dogs

& speak 4 languages

 

Wong Yukhei (10:16)

shit mark is a polyglot too right

well i'm double-jointed, for starters

 

Lee Donghyuck (10:17)

lucas

 

Wong Yukhei (10:17)

anyways i outboyfriended!!!

 

Lee Donghyuck (10:18)

LUCAS I AM LEAVING YOU ON READ

GOODBYE

 

Wong Yukhei (10:19)

why do you always leave me :^(

hyuck?

 

Wong Yukhei (10:20)

just think abt it ok

no pressure

:^)

 

.

 

Donghyuck doesn't think about it. In fact, he prohibits himself from doing so.

So, in order not to think about Yukhei, he busies himself with thinking about other people. Simple.

"Aw, man, my mom's going to be pissed off," Hyunjin says, using his frontal camera so he can take a look at the turning-purple marks Donghyuck's left there for him. He also snaps a picture, which makes Donghyuck laugh out loud. "Shut up, I gotta send this to the group chat. Gonna subtly tell Changbin to step up his fucking game if he wants to be with me."

"You're so _mean_ ," Donghyuck replies, and he leans back on the hood of Hyunjin's car to watch the people jogging in the park where they've parked nearby. They always go there to make out. Well, not always, because they've done it three or four times before, at max. "Just confess already, really. Maybe you'll miss my kisses but at least you'll have your long-time crush or whatever."

Hyunjin sighs. "Bold of you to assume I'm monogamous, but I've been thinking about it. Confessing, that is. I'm really just waiting for him to pick up the hints, you know?"

Donghyuck laughs again, hitting Hyunjin's ribs with an elbow. The other boy grunts.

"Pick up the hints?" Donghyuck cackles. " _Oh, Changbin, do you see these hickeys on my neck? Could be you doing them! Just an idea!_ "

Hyunjin pushes him off, laughing as well.

"Shut up," he replies. "We're gonna get together, I just gotta get into uni first. Then he's aaaaaaaall mine. His words, of course. Lolza."

"Did you just say "lolza" out loud? With your whole chest?"

The other boy shrugs, and he resumes talking about Changbin like he always does. Donghyuck knows Hyunjin's got it bad, so he absentmindedly hums in agreement every once in a while and adds his own little remarks, because he knows it sucks not to be with the people you want to. Like, he gets it, more than Hyunjin can ever imagine.

Well, thinking about it, at least Hyunjin _can_ get what he wants. Donghyuck is left running from his ex-crushes and with a proposition of… Of…

 _Shit_. He stops Hyunjin mid-sentence by pulling him into another kiss.

 

.

 

Like many other aspects in his life that are boring, Donghyuck has lived in the same apartment ever since he was born.

It's an old building, the kind that they don't build up anymore, and it's big enough to have fitted three children and two dogs, besides, of course, their parents. But his father had passed away because he got so sick, and Taeyong left for France, and his dog Festus was already old when they picked him from the street so he ended up dying two years before, more or less by the time their dad passed too.

Now Donghyuck is left in a home that feels too empty most of the time, but at least he still has his mother, and Chenle, and Double Trouble, Taeyong's dog, who's named after a character that he liked a lot when he was in his early teen years. Chenle did not know how to pronounce his name when he was a baby, so he started calling him Dot. Therefore he's Dot, except when Taeyong is around.

He is a pitbull, and they've rescued him when he was still a puppy because officers had brought down a dog-baiting in town. His dad had found out about it because he covered the news, and he talked about bringing one of the puppies home otherwise it'd probably be euthanized.

Dot is the sweetest dog Donghyuck has ever met, and he has never bared his teeth at any of them before. He takes turns walking him with Chenle and lets him sleep on his bed when their mom isn't looking – even though she does the same but won't admit it –, and Donghyuck loves him more than anything.

Except when he ruins his shoes.

"Double Trouble," he threatens, pointing at him. "You are not a puppy and you're not teething, so there's no excuse for this kind of behavior!"

Dot drops his all star on the floor, covered in drool, like he somehow understands him. Donghyuck sighs, walking up to pick the destroyed shoe.

"You know what," he says, taking a look at it. It's past chance of recovering, he can't even tape it all together. Donghyuck drops it again. "Keep it, boy. Just keep it."

The dog shakes with excitement, bumping his head against Donghyuck's thigh before he picks up the shoe and runs off to the living room.

Donghyuck washes his hands on the bathroom next to his room and then walks to his mother's room, knocking gently before entering. "Hey, Lele and I made dinner!" he says, proudly, taking a look inside. "And it's eatable, for once!"

He finds her snoring softly in the armchair by the window, where she likes to read when she has time. Everybody likes to talk about how Donghyuck's the spit image of her, and maybe he does see it, in the way her nose is shaped like a button or how they have the exact same angry face. But his mom is and will probably always be like Taeyong, in the sense that he, too, would fall asleep while reading his work reports.

He carefully takes the papers from her hands and puts them on top of the desk. Taking a look on the watch on her wrist, it's too early anyway, so Donghyuck presses a kiss to her head and decides on letting her nap a little more, then leaves.

"She's knocked out," is what he tells Chenle, back in the kitchen. "Let's just wait a little and eat with her later, alright?"

Chenle nods, munching on his pencil absentmindedly while he does his homework. Donghyuck takes it off his mouth and drops it on the table just to annoy him, which works. Chenle whines.

"You're _just_ like Dot, incredible," Donghyuck comments, taking a seat beside him. "You're sixteen, you can't be teething. That's kind of disgusting, also."

He rolls his eyes. "Let me feed on germs all I want, dude. They're mine."

Donghyuck chuckles. He picks his phone out of his pocket and scrolls down his Twitter timeline until he feels guilty enough and starts his homework too. He's halfway through the Literature reading when his mother leaves her room, casually chatting with Dot on her way to the kitchen.

"Mother," Chenle greets, eyes not leaving his homework. He's still munching on a pencil. "What a pleasure,"

"Children," she replies, bowing. "The pleasure is all mine. What will we have for dinner today?"

Donghyuck makes an exaggerated flourish towards the kitchen. "Chicken, fried rice and veggies. I cut them myself. Chenle didn't burn the rice… Like yesterday."

It makes her laugh, and she kisses the top of their heads before asking for them to set the table. Chenle tries to talk his way out of it but a single look from Donghyuck has him looking for the bowls in the high cabinets while he takes their school stuff off the table.

As they dine, Donghyuck tells their mother about school and Chenle rants endlessly about his soccer practice, and then she tells them about her work too. Lee Minseo has been chief editor of the local newspaper for years, and that's how she met their father after all. She loves what she does and does it very well, at least that's what Donghyuck has heard.

Over the grilled chicken and broccoli, she points at Donghyuck and says: "By the way, your school reached me to ask if we'd be willing to admit some students as interns for a day, and I said yes. Will you go?"

He rolls his eyes. "I'm not going to be a journalist, mom. I suck at writing. And you'd just embarrass me in front of everyone like you always do."

She shrugs. "You don't, actually, but alright. What are you going to do for this internship thing, then?"

Chenle snorts. "He's gonna go to Jaemin's dad's studio and do some _awesome beats_. You know, Na Jaejoon?"

Donghyick rolls his eyes.

"Of course I know him!" their mother replies, chuckling. "I've had people covering his gigs before."

"But I am _not_ going there," Donghyuck replies. "I thought of it because I have nothing else to do, but I don't know."

His phone beeps inside his pocket, but they have a very strict no-phones-during-dinner rule, so he leaves it be. "And," Donghyuck continues, poking a lonely piece of chicken with his fork. "It's not like I know how to make music anyway."

Chenle's foot nudges his calf under the table, but it's his mother who speaks this time.

"Duckie, you can do whatever you want to. I'm going to support you always. If you want to learn how to make music, then go. Talk to Jaemin's dad. But," she adds. "Remember you're always welcomed at the headquarters."

He smiles. "Alright, mom."

The phone beeps again, and he unconsciously touches it over his pocket, wondering who might be messaging him. He's muted all the group chats he's been added too, and also Jaemin's chat because he never stops talking, so he has no idea who it might be. Donghyuck waits until they clean the table and Chenle goes to shower before picking up his phone, but not before kissing his mother on the cheek and saying he'd be in his room if she needed him.

 

Hwang Hyunjin (20:04)

BROOOOOOOOOOO

 

Hwang Hyunjin (20:05)

no wait i cant call you bro

u gave me a hickey

various hickeys actually

ANYWAYS U THERE??

 

Lee Donghyuck (20:16)

sorry i was having dinner

tell me do you ever think before you speak

 

Hwang Hyunjin (20:17)

no never, why u asking

so! ur going to yukhei's bday party

 

Lee Donghyuck (20:19)

mmm i guess not

im not rlly in the mood

and its a school day wtf

 

Hwang Hyunjin (20:21)

c'mon donghyuckie

i can give u a ride

since i, yknow,

DRIVE

 

Donghyuck sighs, lowering the phone to look at his ceiling. He really shouldn't. Not because of Yukhei, of course – he even got him a gift, he split it with Jisung because they were both out of ideas –, but because he doesn't want to run into anyone and doesn't really feel like going to a party. Besides, it is a school day, after all.

He unlocks his phone. Donghyuck is typing out a low excuse not to go when Yukhei himself messages him, and he's left laughing at his own misery.

 

Wong Yukhei (20:25)

are u coming

pls come

there will be cake

and me!!

 

Lee Donghyuck (20:26)

i was thinking about it rn

many ppl there?

 

Wong Yukhei (20:26)

barely started

but i saw ur friends and ur not here

so :^(

 

Lee Donghyuck (20:28)

why are you like this kk

 

Wong Yukhei (20:29)

born this way - lady gaga.mp3

also its my birthday i command that u come

plis :^(

as my friend?? we're friends right

 

Donghyuck regrets his entire life. He gets up from his bed and opens the chat with Hyunjin.

 

Lee Donghyuck (20:30)

pick me up in 15, bitch

 

.

 

"We're friends!" Yukhei throws his arms around Donghyuck, squeezing him into a bear hug. Hyunjin screeches happily by their side, patting Yukhei on the back and running inside right after. "I'm really glad you're here."

"We've always been friends," Donghyuck replies, putting some space between them. He sighs, pushing the package he's been holding against Yukhei's chest. "Happy birthday. This is Jisung's, too, by the way."

Yukhei eyes the package, wrapped carefully by Chenle because Donghyuck couldn't do it if his life depended on it, like he's afraid it'll blow up. Donghyuck rolls his eyes. "It's not a bomb, or anything NSFW. Come on!"

The other boy smiles cheerily.

"It's just that you didn't need to get me anything.”

Donghyuck pats him on the shoulder. "Jisung and I are good people, you're going to thank us later."

Yukhei nods, mouthing "That's valid," and then motions for Donghyuck to come inside while he comes to greet other people at the door.

Donghyuck's been to Yukhei’s – his father's – house a few times before. He's only ever seen it arranged for parties, though, with the furniture pushed aside and Yukhei's own disco ball connected to the ceiling on the living room. He brags about the disco ball every year on his birthday, and Donghyuck thinks it's cute. He makes his way through the known house in search of his friends, not really bothering to say hi to anyone because he never really does it, but he stops momentaneously to talk with Hyunjin's friends, Jisung included. They're really nice, even though Donghyuck doesn't talk a lot to Felix and Seungmin. When they decide to go dancing, Donghyuck takes the opportunity to leave.

He finds Renjun sipping on a drink at the backyard, sitting in one of the wooden chairs and scrolling lazily on his phone screen. Donghyuck kicks his shoes lightly, and he looks up smiling.

“Hello,” Renjun says, pocketing his phone. "Nana is in the bathroom 'cause he drank a lot of beer at Guanheng's before coming."

Donghyuck rolls his eyes. "Well shit, he'll want to piss all night long."

"My thoughts exactly. Also, you look cute."

Donghyuck looks down at himself proudly, showing off the new jacket he got recently from his mother. It's light pink, and it fits him just right. His mother has this thing that she thinks everybody should have a jacket that fits them just right, "both physically and mentally", and this is Donghyuck's. "Thank you," he says. "You do too, Injun. Love the shoes, by the way."

Renjun waves it off because he's not too good with replying to compliments. He motions for the drink table, but Donghyuck shakes his head negatively.

"I stopped with that shit," he reasons. "Gotta be the older bro,"

Renjun snorts. "Please, as if Chenle's never sipped a beer before. But it's fine, at least accompany me then."

He does, and Jaemin finds them hanging out by the garden minutes after, his smile a little stupid from all the beer, but Donghyuck presses a kiss to his cheek either way and he _swoons_.

"I love guys," Jaemin says. He laughs. "I mean, I love _you_ , pause, guys. But I also love guys. Hmmmm love being gay!"

"Yeah, yeah," Renjun taps the space beside him on the grass. "Sit here, you big dumb gay. Where's Hendery?"

Jaemin motions vaguely in the direction of Yukhei's house. "Somewhere over there. I lost him after the third time I went to the toilet, but I'm sure he's fiiiiiiiiine. Like, fine as in good, not beautiful. Beautiful too. Wow, I'm never drinking again, guys. Shit."

Donghyuck snorts, thinking that he doesn't know how Guanheng puts up with Jaemin. Well, actually, he doesn't know the guy that well, they've only started going out on Christmas break and he never stops talking about some sci-fi movie with giant robots and all, and Donghyuck still haven't watched it and he's kind of avoiding Guanheng because of it, really.

"This," he says to Renjun, pointing at Jaemin. "Is why I stopped with that shit."

"Riiiiiight," replies Renjun, with a wicked smile over his cup. "Then take a look at who just got here. Big surprise coming."

Donghyuck regrets it immediately. He ignores Jaemin asking "Whoooooo?", and cranes his neck to take a look through the open doors that lead to the living room. He sees Mark chatting excitedly with other people from their year. Fate, not satisfied with it, put Jeno in the middle, the jacket in his hands telling he's just started to let loose.

Donghyuck snatches the drink from Renjun's hands and downs it, wincing at the bitter taste. "Horrible," he announces, pushing the cup back to him. "All of this. Just straight up horrible."

Jaemin rests his head on Renjun's shoulder, pointing at the other two boys in the living room. "Before I go to the bathroom again, I just wanted to say… They're hoooooooot shit, this will be so much fun!"

 

.

 

It turns out things aren't as bad as Donghyuck makes them up to be.

That, or he's drunk. That's up for you to judge.

He stumbles through Yukhei's kitchen in search of a big, preferably gigantic bottle of water because at least he has the decency to feel ashamed for being drunk – nothing like Jaemin, who's been in the bathroom all night and forcing Renjun to go with him because he's afraid he'll get his dick stuck in the zipper of his pants… Like it happened that one time –, and plans on washing down all the alcohol before he embarrasses himself any further. He's already performed all the girl group choreography he knows with Renjun and Haknyeon, and this would never be a problem if he hadn't slipped at least four times and in one of them he actually _fell_ on top of Heejin and he feels like she's never going to let him live after that. Also, he's done a body shot on Eric and he doesn't even know him that well. Donghyuck needs to be sober _now_.

He feels the glass water bottle slipping from his hands, but someone catches it before it falls to the floor. "Hey, hey, calm down," Yukhei says, and Donghyuck blinks like he's never seen him in his life. "You don't need to look at me like I'm an insect, 'kay? I come in peace."

"I'm sorry, you're not an insect," he blurts out, accepting the cup Yukhei offers him, filled to the brim with water. He takes a long sip of it, sighs contently and speaks: "Can I see your dogs? Please?"

Yukhei leans back on the counter and pouts. "They live with my mom, sorry, man. But we can go there one day if you want to,"

Donghyuck has no idea why he would ever go over to Yukhei's mom's house just to see his dogs, but he nods frantically. "I would love to," he replies. What? Would he? "I also have a Dot. I mean, dog. His name is Dot. Shorts for Double Trouble. He's a really good boy."

Yukhei pours more water into Donghyuck's cup. "That's a cute name. Mine are all named after Sailor Moon characters because my little brother loves it."

"Brothers and comics," Donghyuck snorts.

"Brothers, comics and dogs," Yukhei smiles, and suddenly Donghyuck feels his chest constricting.

He hopes he doesn't throw up anytime soon. He chugs down the water and puts the cup on the sink, mumbling a very low _thank you_ because he's afraid he'll say something he regrets. Yukhei pats him on the back lightly. "Do you wanna go sit somewhere, buddy?"

Donghyuck shakes his head. He's seen Jeno in the living room just now. Or maybe it was fifteen minutes ago, time is a social construct.

"I'm going to stay here a little," he says. "I promise I won't break anything."

Yukhei nods, but he still looks around the kitchen in search of anything breakable.

"Alright," he replies. "I'll go get Renjun for you, stay here."

Donghyuck wants to say that he _will_ , he just said it, but Yukhei leaves right after and he's left staring at his back. Donghyuck then sits on one of the tall stools in the kitchen and falls asleep with his head tucked in his crossed arms.

 

.

 

"Johnny," Donghyuck says against the speaker of phone, trying to be heard despite the loud music. "Johnny, can you please come pick me up?"

On the other side of the line, Johnny lets his phone fall to the floor accidentally and picks it up with a swear. "Duckie, are you drunk?"

"A little, but I'm a lot sober than before," Donghyuck replies, because he can never lie to him like that. "Pretty please with a cherry on top? I don't feel so good. I wanna go home, Johnny, or else I'll just be sad."

First party of the year and Donghyuck is already feeling like shit, which is a new record for him. It usually takes him two or three to remember how much he hates being near teenagers, him included, and to get tired of crying his little heart out to Jaemin, who always ends up crying too. For no reason, that is. They just cry together, that's their thing. But Donghyuck is having none of it today.

For starters, this is no common party. It's Yukhei's party. Yukhei's _birthday_ party. It's loud, bright, with good booze and good music, and an absurd amount of biodegradable glitter – environment safe! –, which would usually make Donghyuck endure the entire night. But all things taken in account, he doesn't really know why he came.

Things are not awkward with Yukhei. Maybe things won't ever be awkward with Yukhei because he's never awkward. It's just that Donghyuck doesn't want to think about fake dating him because he's too nice and he doesn't want to lose Yukhei as a friend.

Friend and ex-crush. Whatever. Donghyuck doesn't want to lose him, period.

He doesn't want to get a heartache again. So he spent the week changing the topic every time Yukhei bringed it up, and he bought him a nice pair of shin pads for his birthday because the moron insists on playing without any – not that Donghyuck cares, but he paired up with Jisung to get it so he's good –, and he danced in Yukhei's living room like he doesn't want to fake date him. He even fell asleep on the guy's kitchen, for Heaven's sake, only to be woken up by Renjun a few minutes later because apparently you shouldn't sleep while drunk, it's bad for your health.

But there are more elements to this already messed up equation, and Donghyuck can't control them like he would like to. So when Jeno eyed him at the party – a little after Renjun had woken him –, with all those looks that get everyone to do anything for him, and Donghyuck looked to the side only to find Mark also making his way to him, he grabbed Jaemin's almost sober hands and pushed hard. "Distract them!" he said, and left Jaemin on his own.

A mess. This is all a mess, Donghyuck thinks, and he starts thumbing the cracks on the screen of his phone absentmindedly as he sits on the front stairs of Yukhei's house while waiting for Johnny to come pick him up.

But Fate is never on his side, apparently, because the door behind him opens, and Jeno takes the spot right beside him without asking. Or maybe he did. Donghyuck might not have listened because he's busy calculating escape routes and wondering if he'll get kidnapped if he just runs into the night like there's no tomorrow.

He looks _so_ good with the freshly dyed hair. Donghyuck feels like crying because Jeno's always been so pretty. It's unfair. "Hi," he says, because he's not sober enough to do anything else right now.

"Hi," Jeno replies, and he even smiles, which is good. "I've been trying to talk to you all week? So, hello."

Donghyuck plays dumb, dropping his chin. "Really?" he replies. "I'm sorry, I was busy."

When the other nods accordingly, Donghyuck drops his gaze to Jeno's shoes to avoid looking at him. He doesn't look up even when Jeno clears his throat, but the latter starts talking either way. "Listen, Donghyuck, I'm not good with this, but I've been wanting to say that it's really nice of you and--"

"Hey, you're here!"

Donghyuck picks up his heart from the floor and looks back to see Yukhei standing on the door, with his face all covered in glitter and that never-faltering smile, and Donghyuck can practically see the light bulb shining above his own head. He feels sorry for himself.

"Baby!" he exclaims, reaching out with one his hands.

Yukhei furrows his brows for a split second, but he sees the way Donghyuck arches his brows at him, and then looks at Jeno, and is suddenly smiling again. He picks Donghyuck's hand and gives it a squeeze, proceeding to sit behind him on the higher step. He rests his head on top of Donghyuck's own, long arms around him. "I've been looking for him all night," he tells Jeno.

Jeno stares at them confusedly, and he has a very tiny ghost of a smile on the corner of his lip that Donghyuck has honestly seen so many times before, he knows what it means. Jeno's just picked it all up, because he's smart like that.

"You were saying?" Donghyuck asks.

Jeno waves it off. "Nevermind, really," he smiles. "I'll leave you guys to it. See you at school!"

And, like that, Lee Jeno leaves.

Donghyuck hides his face on the sleeves of Yukhei's hoodie, pressing his forehead against one of his arms. "I'm so sorry," he says, voice muffled.

Yukhei squeezes his body momentaneously, and then removes his arms so Donghyuck can slide sideways on his step and look at him. "It's fine," Yukhei tells him, because maybe it really is. "I see we started the party as friends and ended it as boyfriends."

Donghyuck shrugs shyly. "I guess?"I-- I didn't plan on doing this. It just happened."

"Of course," Yukhei rolls his eyes, jokingly. "It happened just like kissing me happened?"

"We're not talking about this now! In fact," he sighs. "We'll have to talk about this later. I'm drunk and my brother's boyfriend is picking me up."

Yukhei's bottom lip juts out – and it's ridiculous how Donghyuck wants to kiss it. He's already fucked up before they even started. But then the older boy shrugs as well, and rests his arms on his knees.

"It's whassup," Yukhei replies. "I'm drunk too. I did a keg stand, but you weren't there so it was really boring, Donghyuckie."

He laughs, because that's such a Yukhei thing to say, and Yukhei laughs too so they're left letting the alcohol make it look more funnier than it really is.

By the time Johnny's car pulls up in the driveway, they've talked about everything that isn't their fake relationship. From Yukhei's little brother that lived with his mother, to his record of keg stands, and then to Donghyuck's views on the new Mamma Mia movie coming up in a few months, and perhaps he hates Johnny a little bit for honking because the night isn't really that terrible anymore.

But Donghyuck gets up either way, and Yukhei gets up with him because that's what fake boyfriends do, right? And he kisses Donghyuck on the cheek and hugs him before he goes because that's what fake boyfriends do, right?

Donghyuck doesn't know. He's never even had a real boyfriend to compare. He presses his face against Yukhei's chest momentaneously because this is a mess, it really is, and mutters a quick "Happy birthday again," before running to Johnny's car.

"I can go find something to do and you can stay a little bit more, if you want?" Johnny suggests, after Donghyuck plops down in the passenger seat. "You looked… Comfy, I guess, with that boy over there,"

"That boy over there," he replies. "Is Lucas Wong."

Johnny's chin drops. " _The_ Lucas Wong you used to like?"

"Yes. I'm going out with him now. And it's his birthday. The day after, actually, but yeah."

"Well, do you want to go back there?"

"Nope."

"Why?"

Donghyuck sighs. "I don't know, I've done this before. I just want to go home, please?"

Johnny reaches out for his hand, and Donghyuck lets him take it. "It's alright, Duckie," he says. "We're going home now."

 

.

 

Donghyuck is ultimately lying to every person in his life, and the worst part of it is that he doesn't really feel guilty about it.

In fact, when it's Monday and he's officially fake dating Wong Yukhei, it actually feels pretty nice. And it's not because of Yukhei's hand in his back pocket when they're walking through the cafeteria – Donghyuck suggested it, it's Sixteen Candles, it's a classic, they're (fake) dating! –, or because Jaemin's chin actually drops all the way from their usual table, or because Hyunjin is _hollering_ somewhere to their left like it's the best thing he's seen always.

It is, and it's always going to be, because Donghyuck now knows how it would be like to date Wong Yukhei. And even if it's fake, he's going to enjoy having a little taste of it.

"Do you want to introduce me to your friends?" Yukhei whispers against his ear.

Donghyuck snorts. "You know Jaemin and Renjun. They've been your classmates since the beginning of the school year."

"As your _boyfriend_ ," Yukhei insists, and Donghyuck watches in awe as his the tips of his ears tint red just a little. "Or I can just go and sit with the volleyball dudes like always."

"You go. I gotta talk to them first 'cause I fear Jaemin's going to scream on your face. Also, you can take your hand off my ass now."

Yukhei raises both his hands. He pecks Donghyuck on the cheek quickly, says "See you later, boyfie!" and heads straight to his usual table.

When Donghyuck walks to his own, it feels like a walk of shame, because Renjun is looking at him like he's grown to heads and Jaemin still hasn't closed his mouth. Donghyuck puts the food he brought from home down on the table and sits in front of them, smiling.

"Hello, my dudes!"

"Well, hello, you!" Jaemin exclaims. "What _is_ that, Donghyuckie? You--"

Renjun hits him with an elbow, and Jaemin promptly shuts up. "Yukhei?!" Renjun asks. "The fuck happened on Friday after I left?"

Donghyuck shrugs. "I guess we're going out?"

The other two nod in shocked silence, and Renjun has that look on his face that tells you he's trying to piece things together, and Donghyuck prays to all greater gods that his mind finds something convincing to itself. Lucky for him, Renjun smirks.

"You guys have been talking," he concludes. "I've noticed. I didn't say anything because I didn't want you to chicken out."

"I _never_ chicken out," Donghyuck reasons. "It's not my fault nothing ever worked out before!"

Jaemin looks like he's ready to argue, but Renjun sends him a look and he smiles instead. "I'm super happy for you, best friend. Did he ask you out on a date yet, though?"

Donghyuck wants to snort. Yukhei hasn't asked him to _anything_ – they hadn't even talked about it properly, because Donghyuck wanted to do it in person and they weren't able to meet in the weekend because Yukhei was off to his grandmother's house for a late birthday gathering –, and he probably wouldn't too. There's no use in putting up a show if it's just for them to see, after all. So gives Jaemin is best shy smile ever. "Nooooooo," he replies. "We want to take things slow."

Lying about it comes easy. They've quickly built a narrative right when Yukhei came to meet him at the beginning of break – Donghyuck woke up late in the morning, Chenle had turned off _all_ of their alarms because he wanted to skip his early Chemistry quiz –, so he tells Renjun and Jaemin everything about how he found himself feeling extremely brave during Yukhei's party and flirted with him. They kissed a little, hung out a little, and Donghyuck even mentions Jeno – not the part about him starting to talk about the tape, though –, and then it's over. They find another things to talk about, like how Jaemin got a terrible grade on their pop up quiz in History and now has to write a whole essay about the text they've been reading.

He sounds miserable about it, but Donghyuck has confidence that he's going to do well. When he says it, Jaemin reaches out to pinch his cheek. It makes Renjun fake gag.

They're good. Donghyuck can do this. He turns on his seat and searches for Yukhei on the other side of the room. When he looks back at him – after Felix points it out –, and Donghyuck gives him a thumbs up, he gives him one back. To other people, it probably looks like nothing, but to Donghyuck, it's a sign that they're going to be just fine.

He's ready to be the best fake boyfriend _ever_ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [twt](https://twitter.com/morktwt)   
>  [ccat](https://curiouscat.me/nctqueer)


	2. part two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiii, here we are!!!
> 
> i like this part a lot kgljgdjklgf so i hope you guys do too!!! and i wanted to say thank you for the kudos and comments on the first chapter <333 it means a lot, thanks!!!
> 
> idk what else to say so. enjoy. yay

_ best real fake _ **CONTRACT** _ in the world!!  _

 

    1. PDA is necessary because it is Donghyuck's love language. _what's love language?_ It's how you manifest your love for ppl. _nice!! how cute._ But not too much PDA. _WHY??_ Because I said so duh
    2. __playdates for the dogs are a MUST!!__
    3. Yukhei will watch Sailor Moon with Donghyuck
    4. Yukhei will walk Donghyuck to his classes and carry his books for him. _i would do that even if you didn't put it here._ Aw thank you
    5. _donghyuck will teach Xuxi how to record tapes._ Is this a joke for you?? Wong Yukhei you're a DEAD man
    6. __donghyuck will not hit yukhei ever again_. I said I'm sorry :(_
    7. Remember to post pics on Instagram because everyne digs that shit. _everyne_. I know i wrote it wrong ok
    8. _yukhei will take donghyuck on a road trip._ With who?? _with no one just donghyuck._ … That doesn't make sense but go off. _hihi <3_
    9. We will make it official on Facebook but that's only for Donghyuck's homophobic cousin to have a stroke. _ooooor because it's cute!!_ Yes that too
    10. _yukhei won't actually fight donghyuck's ex-crushes because he thinks they're nice, once jeno complimented his shoes and yukhei likes him so much_. I didn't expect you to fight them tbh, also Jeno has terrible taste in clothes, you shouldn't feel flattered. _stop killing my vibe!!! i did nothing!!!_
    11. _donghyuck will let yukhei hold his hand._ I don't know why you thought I would oppose to that. _i'm just making sure!_
    12. None of the parts will ever tell anyone that this relationship is the f-word. No, it doesn't mean "fuck", Yukhei, that doesn't even make sense. _hehe :P_



And the most important of the rules…  _ tan dan dan daaaaan!!!! _

13\. THERE IS NO CATCHING FEELINGS.

 

Lee Donghyuck

_ Wong Yukhei _

18/01/29

 

* * *

 

"I'm satisfied," Donghyuck announces, looking down at the piece of paper Yukhei's ripped from one of his notebooks. "Are you satisfied?"

Yukhei taps his chin with his index finger. "Hmmmmm," he hums. "Yes. Although I still think we should write down that if anyone finds out about it, we have to kill them and get rid of the body. I have a PhD in How To Get Away With Murder, you know."

"You're way too into this, I'm starting to regret it."

He smiles from ear to ear, leaning across the table to stare at Donghyuck in search of a lie in his words and then sits back again. 

"Remind me again why we got into this, boyfriend?" he asks.

Donghyuck sighs. "This is how I get closure. I record a tape when I have a crush so intense I don't know what else to do."

"So, you're not going to fall for me again?"

"You're forgetting our contract already," Donghyuck snorts. "There's no catching feelings. I ain't breaking my own rules."

Under the table, their knees knock against one another. Donghyuck has actually never been so close to punching – or kissing – a boy on the mouth, and it doesn't help that Yukhei smiles unabashedly. 

"Funny," he says. "I thought you were the best at breaking them."

Donghyuck feels his mouth get dry. He rolls their contract and uses it to hit Yukhei's forehead with it, "Not these ones, no."

He tucks the contract safely in the inner pocket of his bag, and watches as Yukhei nods to his words with a little delay. Then he's walked to class as promised, and Yukhei really carries his books, despite Donghyuck telling him he wasn't serious about it. 

 

.

 

The sound of Renjun sharpening his pencils is all that fills Donghyuck's ears as he lies face down on the wooden table in the backyard, watching as his friend scribbles things down in a tiny notepad and then draws the same thing a billion times, over and over until it's finally enough.

Donghyuck wishes he knew how to do something like this, like drawing. Renjun has already told him that it has nothing to do with talent, that he just needs to practice, but deep down Donghyuck is just really too lazy to do it. He can't do things like this without getting bored. Drawing. Writing. All of that requires a concentration spam he definitely doesn't have, so he just settles with watching Renjun draw.

"I really like this guy," he points to one of Renjun's character, the first one he created. "Stigma. He's cute, I like the mask."

Renjun smiles proudly. "Me too. I'm having too much fun with this."

"You can put it in your portfolio, right? I bet they would appreciate it if you ever apply to an art school."

Renjun nods as he finishes writing something down. 

"I'm sorry, this is kind of boring," he says, after a while, and Donghyuck raises his head to look at him. Renjun gives him an embarrassed smile. "We can do something else if you want?"

"What!" Donghyuck exclaims. He reaches out with a hand to gently tap Renjun's. "Dude, I love watching you draw. I'm just laying here because I don't wanna do my homework, you know."

Renjun looks over to the pile of books Donghyuck has brought, determined to catch up on all of his late homework on that lazy Saturday afternoon. "Yeah," he says, softly. "Maybe you should start soon, though. Don't you have a  _ date _ later?"

Ah, right. He has a boyfriend now, that's right. Donghyuck nods excitedly and Renjun laughs, and he feels a little sorry for lying to one of his best friends like that, but it's for a good cause, right?

He's going to fake date Yukhei until the end of the year, just in time for his cousin's wedding and then for a few months after it so that they can say it just didn't work out. Plus, Donghyuck can pretend nothing is happening with Mark and Jeno,  _ and _ he gets to hang out with Yukhei, which is itself something really nice. Bingo! 

"You know," Renjun starts, pushing his materials aside so he can rest his chin on his elbow. "I'm happy for you. This is all like, a few years late, but you did it, Hyuck. You got the boy."

Donghyuck smiles. "I got the boy," he agrees. "Who would've thought, right?"

Not him, for sure. Yukhei had always seemed too out of his league and, well, he still is, isn't he? Judging by how his first ever relationship was with a  _ college boy _ , Donghyuck figures that he'll literally never see  _ him _ as something more. Which is great, because at least Yukhei won't break their golden rule. 

Donghyuck won't, either. He's done with him, he's even recorded a tape, hasn't he? He's not going to fall in love again. Lightning can't strike twice. 

He grabs Renjun's pencil case and starts going over his art supplies, just to occupy his hands. They fall to silence once again.

 

. 

 

Yukhei slides a bunch of pictures across the table, pointing at them with his long finger. Donghyuck follows the movement like he's some kind of snake charmer and Donghyuck just happened to fall into his incantation. 

He's starting really, really bad.

"This is dad," Yukhei says, pointing at a man that would look a lot like him if not for his longish hair. He's smiling in the picture but not at the camera, probably taken without him noticing, and he's holding a book to his chest. "I know he's got that rockstar thing going on but he's a total nerd, teaches Quantum Physics at at fancy private uni, and he's very chill. I live with him because it's closer to the school and because he's kind of a lonely guy. His name is Jianhong, but he also goes by Eli, so you can call him that."

Donghyuck nods, and Yukhei moves on to the next picture. This one looks a little older, with yellow-y edges. "This is mom, her name is Mai. She still looks exactly like that and I picked this one because I like this picture a lot. She has a bakery on the other side of town, where she lives with my little brother. Speaking of that..."

He picks another picture of the pile, and holds it up for Donghyuck to see. It's a picture of Yukhei himself, probably taken the year before because he had a split chin – he had fallen during a game, Donghyuck was watching it –, his arm thrown around his brother's shoulders. He doesn't look much younger, and Donghyuck wonders why he's never heard of him before. 

"This boy right here is my lil bro. He's called Lek, which means "little brother". My mom thinks she's funny. I think it was the name of a king in Thailand, though. He's not my father's son, my mom had him a couple years after they got divorced, and he goes to another school. He likes--"

"Sailor Moon," Donghyuck completes. "I remember that."

Yukhei smiles. "That's right," he puts the picture down, and his gaze falls to the pile on top of the table. "Well, that's the fam, basically, all the rest is back in China. I don't know why I brought so many pictures, to be honest, and-- Oh! Here they are!"

He pushes another picture in Donghyuck's direction. It's Yukhei again, this time several years younger, and he's sitting by the beach with three dogs. A very big one, like a Great Dane, who looked a little old, and two strays that were nearly as big. 

"They're huge," Donghyuck points out. It makes Yukhei laugh again.

"I know. I broke my knee in middle school because Rei right here," he points at the Great Dane. "Knocked me off my skateboard and actually dragged me for a few meters while we were taking a walk. I think she saw a squirrel. Anyway, in order, the others are Haruka and Michiru, and they're best friends. I gotta be honest with you, I started the trend with Rei and my brother just went on with it when we adopted these two."

Donghyuck smiles, picking up the picture to take a better look at the dogs and, well, to remember how cute Yukhei was when he was younger. "I bet all my lunch money that you're a weeb but you play it cool 'cause you're a jock."

Yukhei rolls his eyes, and starts rearranging the pile of pictures in his hands absentmindedly while he looks at Donghyuck. The latter pretends he didn't notice and gives the picture back to him. 

"So!" he says, putting it all back on his bag, and then motioning to the cafe around them. "What can I get you to drink or eat, boyfie?"

Donghyuck fights the urge to screech on his face. "A lemonade?"

"Perfect! I'll be right back."

When he stops to think about it, it's actually no big deal that there isn't anyone from school to see them in this cafe. It's just like hanging out with a friend, except for the fact that they're talking about their families to sound more convincing as fake boyfriends. It's normal, right?

The first week of their fake relationship was pretty chill. Some of their classmates were really surprised about it, other not so much – Heejin and Hyunjin actually came up to him on Thursday and said "It was about time!", and Donghyuck wonders how did they ever come up with the possibility of him and Yukhei dating before it happened, but he let it slide –, but nobody made a fuss about it. Besides Jaemin. Jaemin is still hysteric, but that's not news. He's running on high doses of caffeine most times and reacts to things with a little more intensity than you'd like.

The only thing that matters, Donghyuck thinks, is that Jeno dropped the tape topic completely, and they're back to being classmates. Which had put Donghyuck in such good mood that he totally forgot about the matter. He hasn't seen Mark in forever, nor talked to him, also. Just the good stuff. 

"There you go," Yukhei puts his drink down in front of him, and slides into the booth again, his knees knocking against Donghyuck's under the table. "So, what about  _ your _ fam?"

Donghyuck shrugs, sipping his lemonade lazily. "My mom is called Minseo. She's chief editor of a newspaper, and she works a lot so we barely see her most times. You know my brother Chenle, he goes to our school and has bright green hair. I have an older brother called Taeyong, he lives in France, and he dances."

"Oh, I know him."

Donghyuck arches his brows. "You know my brother?"

"Yeah!" Yukhei smiles. "He's friends with Jaehyun, isn't he? I never really talked to him, though. Just know the name because he's so fancy, living in France like that."

"Wow, what the fuck," Donghyuck comments, chuckling. "Um, well, what else… My dad, he passed away a couple years ago. He was a journalist. I don't like to talk about him, so… I have my dog, Double Trouble. And that's my family," he starts drawing silly doodles in the condensation of his glass. "Hey, if you don't mind me asking… Why didn't you tell anyone you dated that Jaehyun guy?"

Yukhei shrugs. "He's not out yet, so we kept it cool. It didn't last long but I liked him a  _ lot _ ," he chuckles. "He was my first love, like, ever. But he went to the United States for college and we'll probably never see each other again, so… And you? Am I really your first boyfriend?"

"Fake boyfriend," Donghyuck mutters. "No, I've never dated anyone for real. I know, it's an absurd, I'm such a catch."

"Yeah, you are."

He sighs. "Shut up, Yukhei."

"Xuxi."

"What?"

Yukhei scratches his head, suddenly looking embarrassed. "Um, you can call me that," he explains. "My… My family calls me that. Like, my dad's. But whatever, I think it would make sense if you did…? 'Cause I kinda prefer it, you know."

Donghyuck nods. "Alright. Then, shut up, Xuxi."

The other smiles.

"That's better, Hyuckles."

 

.

 

Turns out that having a fake boyfriend is far easier than Donghyuck thought.

Maybe it has to do with the fact that he doesn't really have to do anything besides going out with Yukhei a little, create a few stories when people ask and all. They've been at it for days now, and it's not like he has to pretend really hard to like Yukhei. He likes him. As a friend. Likes hanging out with him. As a friend. Likes kissing him. As a friend who's also his fake boyfriend. 

No, but really, it must have to do with the kisses. Donghyuck has always been a goner for it anyway, – kissing people, that is –, so it surely has to do with how Yukhei kisses him in between classes, or when they're in the cafeteria, or before his volleyball practice (because Donghyuck is now obliged to come wish him luck, perks of being boyfriends or something like that). And Donghyuck feels sorry for himself for how much he likes to run his fingers through Yukhei's bleached hair, to press silly kisses to his lips until he's left giggling softly against Donghyuck's mouth because he's just like that. 

It's easy, being with him. Donghyuck likes it.

And that's what he tells Mark, when they meet up after the latter practically cornered him in between classes the day before. Apparently Donghyuck is very good at running away from his problems, but Mark has always been better at dealing with things. So that's what Donghyuck tells him when he asks about Yukhei. 

Not the part about kissing, though. Just the part about him liking it. He doesn't ever want to talk about kissing with Mark Lee.

“That's cute. You guys are cute,” is what Mark replies, and what kills Donghyuck inside is that he knows he means it. Mark Lee is far too nice, even when he doesn't seem to notice fake relationships. “I remember that you used to be all over him when we were kids,”

Donghyuck scoffs, carefully covering his froyo with strawberries with the amount he knows he can pay for. “Excuse me? I totally wasn't.”

“You were, though,” Mark insists, and he's giggling. “We were like, ten or something, and you used to wait for me at the end of classes because you wanted to see him. You were always like, Xuxi this, Xuxi that. Like, kid crush you know, it was so cute. I have impeccable memory.”

Donghyuck nods. He pays for his froyo and waits for Mark to pick up, but he's still choosing his toppings, and to be honest, Donghyuck thinks he's a big dummy. Mark Lee, a big, clueless dummy. Donghyuck is absolutely certain that he was in love with Mark by  _ that _ time, but he's not going to point it out. He hums in agreement, because the more people believing him and Yukhei are old business (they aren't, and if they were, it would be one-sided anyway), the better.

“I'm just really happy for you guys,” Mark continues, and there's a copious amount of Nutella on his froyo. Donghyuck snorts because he'll have to pay a fortune for it, that poor soul. “Everyone is, actually. And to think that I-- nah, you know, whatever…”

“What?” Donghyuck asks, but the other doesn't reply straight away. “What do you mean?”

Mark motions vaguely, trying to hunt for the loose coins inside his bag, and Donghyuck waits (un)patiently until they're resuming their walk in the mall. It feels like 2011 all over, except they're not wearing ridiculous snapbacks and are not supposed to meet their moms in one hour at the entrance. 

“I mean,” Mark replies, finally, twirling his froyo with the plastic spoon absentmindedly. He's not looking at Donghyuck, but over to the shop windows. “I heard the tape, you know. The one you… Sent me.”

Donghyuck almost drops his own froyo. He holds it tight, staring at the strawberries in it until he’s sure his head won't explode. “I figured,” he replies, finally.

“Yeah,”

It's awkward. It's so awkward that the awkwardness is almost tangible, Donghyuck is sure that he's going to trip over it anytime soon. He munches quietly on a strawberry and then says, “I don't like you anymore, though, so don't worry about it. It was a really long time ago.”

“Oh, I didn't think you did,” Mark replies, quickly. This time he looks at him, and his eyes are the size of the moon, and there's a part of Donghyuck that absolutely hates him for it at the same time he missed it. “I was just thinking that… I don't know. I was kind of freaked out by it because I got it, like, on my last days in Canada and it looked like God was mocking me or something.”

“Why?”

Mark chuckles. “Dude, I totally had a crush on you by the time I moved there. I was sad all over for months, actually, because I thought I'd never see you again.”

Donghyuck stomps his foot against one of the wooden benches in the middle of the corridor. “Shit! You-- you  _ what _ now?”

“I just realized it years later, though," Mark shrugs. "You know, compulsive heterosexuality and all that shit. I read about it like two years ago and that shit is  _ dangerous _ ."

“Wow,” Donghyuck's head is spinning. “Big words, big revelations, what more do you have under your sleeve, Mark Lee?”

He shrugs again:

“I lost the friendship bracelet you gave me for my eleventh birthday?”

This time, Donghyuck laughs. “I lost mine, too, actually.”

“Oh, that's good to hear.” Mark sighs in relief. “The guilt was eating me from inside all these years." 

Donghyuck scrapes the remainings of his froyo and throws the little cup on the nearest trash can. What's eating him from the inside right now is the acknowledgment that maybe they… Maybe they could've--  _ Nah _ . He's not dwelling on  _ that _ . Not right now, when he's having an impromptu hang out with the childhood best friend he hasn't seen for years. 

Times like these are meant to be good by their own, not to keep on thinking of what could've been if… If… 

"Are you seriously telling me we could be dating right now?" Donghyuck blurts out before he realizes. He slaps his own forehead right after. "Oh, my God, did I say that out loud?"

"Uh," replies Mark, eloquently, his ears red. "Well, I guess so? I mean, I guess it just wasn't meant to be… ?"

Donghyuck wants to kill himself. He settles for waving it off instead.

"I don't care," he says, because deep inside he really doesn't, he's just baffled by how Fate can mess things up. "Do you wanna go see the new Maze Runner or not?"

They do end up seeing The Death Cure, and Donghyuck hates every second of it because he knows Thomas and Minho don't end up together , but there's still a few minutes until the end and he's less worried about this huge plot twist that Mark dropped on his lap than he was at the beginning of it. Timing wasn't right for them, and so what? There's no use in losing his mind about it now. He's nearly eighteen. He doesn't even like Mark anymore. He's not even the same person he was at age twelve. 

Maybe Ong is right and this kind of thing really does come with age. For good measure, Donghyuck steals a handful of popcorn from the bag Mark bought and keeps complaining about the movie under his breath until it's over. 

 

.

 

The end of February and beginning of March means a warmer weather but still cold enough for Donghyuck to complain during the entirety of his morning walk with Double Trouble. He'd usually endure it alone and in silence, maybe listening to music if he's feeling like it, but he has Yukhei on the other side of a call today. Just the usual. 

"I  _ have _ to walk Dot every day," he says against the speaker of his earbuds. "Otherwise he'll just get fat and sick. And bored. Bored Double Trouble means twice the amount of chewed furniture and twice the time my mom spends being passive-aggressive at me because she can't fight anyone if her life depended on it."

Yukhei laughs. "You should've called me sooner, I could have gone walking with you! I'd even bring Rei. But now I'm gonna have a coffee with  _ my _ mom 'cause, ya know, divorced parents duties."

Humming in agreement, Donghyuck waits until Dot picks up his pace after inspecting a trash can. He's wearing the dog sweater that Chenle bought for him last year. Donghyuck thinks it makes Double Trouble look like an idiot, but he sent the pictures to Yukhei either way before leaving. The latter practically  _ swooned _ over him, judging by the amount of heart and crying emojis he sent Donghyuck right after.

He's about to tell Yukhei about how Dot is friends with a dog in his neighbourhood when the older boy yelps on the other side of the line.

“Are you alright?” Donghyuck asks, startled. Dot looks back at him for a moment and then resumes walking.

Yukhei whines. “I dropped my wallet inside the sidewalk gratings,” 

“You  _ what _ ?” 

“I dropped my wallet inside the sidewalk gratings!” he repeats. “Fucking hell, I'mma have to call you later, Hyuckles. I gotta get it back because I don't wanna have to ask for a new driver's license, it takes aaaaages to do that. Trust me, I would know.” 

Donghyuck chuckles. “It's alright, we'll talk later. Goodbye, boyfriend!”

“Bye, Hyuckles! Tell Dot I love him forever. Over and out!”

That's kind of an inside joke they have now. Donghyuck was offended at first, but then he started thinking that Yukhei was cute every time he said “Over and out!” at the end of their calls, so now he just goes along with it. He can't say it back, though, because the call is finished before that. He shrugs, fishing his phone out of the pocket of his coat so he can choose a playlist to listen for the rest of his walk with Double Trouble.

The dog, by the way, rests his head on Donghyuck's thigh when he sits down in a bench during a break, ears thrown to the side in the way that makes him look like a puppy. Donghyuck rubs the space between them just like Double Trouble likes it.

"Xuxi said he loves you forever," he tells him, but it's not like he's going to understand it anyway, so Donghyuck goes on. "Am I a dumbass for doing this, Dot? Do you think I'm just going to get hurt? Blink once for no and twice for yes."

It's not even funny when he blinks twice. Donghyuck blames it on the chilly wind picking up, then motions for them to keep walking. He's in the middle of his own personal performance of Gashina when someone taps him on the shoulder.

Kevin Moon smiles brightly at him when he turns around. "Hey, there!" he says. "Long time no see!"

Long time no see, indeed. Donghyuck tugs on Double Trouble's leash to make him stop, and then takes in the sight that is Kevin Moon, trying not to think that the last time he saw him they made out furiously inside one of the stalls at the art studio where Renjun takes classes. 

Or maybe it's too late, and Donghyuck is already thinking of it, and he wonders if he was thinking too ahead in the situation when he recorded Kevin a tape last November. 

Well, he  _ had _ been nurturing a crush during the previous year. He spent months planning lunch dates with Renjun only so that he could see Kevin when he left the building, art binder in hands and with that stupid beret on – "It's for the aesthetic! Do you want a  _ croissant _ ?" –, and then gush over him to Renjun until the latter started threatening to rat him out to his crush. Then he actually talked to him once, and then twice, and then thrice, and then Kevin made his 108th vine reference and Donghyuck couldn't take it anymore, so he kissed him in a bathroom and they got caught by Kevin's art teacher. 

Golden times, honestly. Donghyuck has not set foot in the studio since then, nor has he talked to Kevin because he was just so embarrassed. He smiles at the other boy and thinks of all the possible escape routes he could use right now. "Hi, Kevin! How you doing?"

"I'm good, thanks," he smiles, motioning to the building by their left. "Just left class, actually, then I saw you and-- well, look, I've been wanting to say..."

Donghyuck wonders if he could fake a heart attack decently. He  _ was _ in drama class back in the day.

"I'm really flattered, I really am 'cause you're so nice and hella cute, but--"

"Kevin," he intervenes. "Just go for it, really. I don't like sugarcoating."

Kevin smiles: "Ok. So, you kinda broke my heart when you stopped talking to me. You can't just go and record me a tape – it was really cute, by the way – when you literally ignored my existence after we kissed and that includes ignoring my texts. That's… kind of a low blow."

Donghyuck's chin drops. He watches as Kevin opens an embarrassed smile and, dude, life is so funny, isn't it? You go, and you fall in love, and you hurt yourself because you don't actually know how to deal with yourself, and then you realize things aren't as complicated as you made them to be.

Damn. Ong is right. Donghyuck is going to write him a letter, but that's for later. For now, he rubs a hand on his face and says:

"I am sorry for being shit at dealing with my feelings. I truly am, Kevin Moon."

Kevin sighs in relief, then smiles. "It's fine, really. So, are we good? Can we, I don't know, have a coffee, maybe?"

"Uh," Donghyuck scratches the top of his head. "I'm dating someone right now."

"Oh! Well, that's awkward. I didn't mean it like that."

Donghyuck wants to launch himself into the Sun. "Riiiiiiiiiiight."

"But we can have coffee as friends! We can go to a pet-friendly place so your buddy here," Kevin motions for Dot, who has been laying at their feet, belly up, for all this time. He bends down to pet him. "Doesn't feel out of place!"

Donghyuck smiles. "Alright. Let's go, then."

 

.

 

Lee Donghyuck (09:15)

u would not guvking believe

fjcking*

fucking* 

 

Lee Donghyuck (09:16)

what happened to me

RIGHT NOW

well 15 min ago but okay

 

Wong Yukhei (09:19)

what!!!

i got my wallet back btw

 

Lee Donghyuck (09:20)

nice

treat me lunch

 

Wong Yukhei (09:20)

ok let’s meet later

:D 

 

Lee Donghyuck (09:21)

i’m kidding

u don't have to

ANYWAY I MET ONE OF THE TAPES

 

Wong Yukhei (09:22)

what if i want to??

OH WHO

 

Lee Donghyuck (09:23)

hhhh

KEVIN MOON

idk if u know him

 

Wong Yukhei (09:23)

ofc i do

 

Lee Donghyuck (09:24)

excuse me

 

Wong Yukhei (09:25)

well he was 1 year above me??

i went 2 all his parties

bec i’m so cool 

 

Lee Donghyuck (09:27)

when u write bec i lose it

I DID NOT KNOW THAT

why do u kno eberyone

 

Lee Donghyuck (09:28)

anyways

djjfjgjdj :(

i had coffee w him 

& we talked abt his Tape

and it wasn't horrible

 

Wong Yukhei (09:30)

that's good to know hyuckles

i'm proud of u and bec of that

i'm gonna take u to a nice place to have lunch

 

Lee Donghyuck (09:32)

U DONT HAVE TO

LEARN HOW TO TAKE A JOKE

 

Wong Yukhei (09:33)

they have a falafel sandwich

which is 

*chef fingertip kiss*

incredible

 

Lee Donghyuck (09:34)

falafel???

ok i'm listening

 

Wong Yukhei (09:35)

hehe

[shared location]

meet me at 12:30

X) <3

 

.

 

"It was the last tape I recorded," Donghyuck tells him over falafel sandwiches and iced tea. "Around November, I literally felt sick because I kissed him then I ran away and never talked to him again. I spent, like, months getting sad over it."

Yukhei whistles. "Dude, you really gotta think of better coping mechanisms than sulk because of boys. It's bad for the heart. Try, I don't know, do you like golf?"

"I don't like golf," he sighs. "So, Kevin told he me was sad because I stopped coming over the studio and talking to him in general. He said he wanted to reach out for me but he figured I got uncomfy because I didn't reply to his texts? And, like, I kind of blocked him? I don't know. Lack of communication  _ sucks _ . I wonder if…"

Putting his sandwich down, Yukhei says: "Hyuckles, you can't treat people like that and not expect them to be upset about it, you know? Like, I don't know what gets you so antsy about boys but… Blocking people and talking about lack of communication… That's not it."

Donghyuck stares at his plate. "I'm an asshole, right?"

Yukhei shrugs:

"You talked it out with him, I guess it's good."

Sighing, he takes another bite of his sandwich. He totally overreacted about Kevin.

"The thing is," Donghyuck starts. "I'm afraid of conflict, you know? Like, I do shit and I'm afraid of dealing with the consequences of my actions. Which makes me, like, even more of an asshole, but I can't help it! I just get all, you know, feeling I'm going to die. Literally going to die. And then I run from it. And then I get sad."

Yukhei points at him with a french fry and asks: "Do you have anxiety?"

Donghyuck shakes his head affirmatively. 

"It's fine," Yukhei continues, and he smiles softly. "But you can't let it dictate your life like that. It only hurts you and the people around you."

Donghyuck scratches his nose. "Do you have it too?"

"Nah, my dad does, though. So, I don't know, you don't have to listen to me but--"

"Hey, it's good. Really. I kind of needed to hear that."

Yukhei nods. He eats another fry and says: "I don't really think you're an asshole. If you were, you wouldn't be worried about being one. That's a very un-asshole thing to do."

He pauses. "But you did stole half of my fries, so you're on thin ice here."

Yukhei snorts over his iced tea at his own joke, and Donghyuck kicks his shin under the table. "Ouch!" he exclaims, pouting. "You're so mean to me. What happened to the love? The romantic feelings?"

"I digested them. Like I'm doing with your fries as we speak."

"Again, so mean!"

They fall to silence after another of Donghyuck's attempts to kick him (he dodged it) and while Yukhei eats and absentmindedly watches the people passing by the street – the hole in the wall place had one nice table by a window, they waited until it was free just to sit there despite Yukhei whining about being hungry –, Donghyuck takes his time to watch him instead. 

When he thinks of it, it's kind of crazy that the lanky, loud Xuxi from his childhood has grown up to  _ this _ , perhaps the prettiest boy Donghyuck has ever laid his eyes on. All of the awkwardness gone, like he has finally grown into his body and suddenly became worthy of runways. And with a  _ double _ eyebrow piercing! And dyed hair! And awesome personality! Donghyuck averts his gaze before Yukhei notices he's staring, and focuses on his food.

"I think," Yukhei starts, and there's a little bit of tahini smudged on the corner of his lip that he doesn't notice. "That I could drive you to school on Monday."

Donghyuck reaches out to swipe off the sauce with his thumb without noticing.

"You don't have to. Lele and I take the bus together every day."

There's a lopsided grin in Yukhei's face, and Donghyuck wants to kick him again, but he suppresses the urge to. He  _ did _ promise not to hit Yukhei, back in the contract.

"I can drive you  _ both _ ," he continues. "I haven't properly met your brother yet. All I know about him is that you think he's a demon and everyone in school loves him because Sunwoo is gonna make him captain of the soccer team before we graduate."

"Captain?" Donghyuck groans. "Chenle's not even the captain of his life. I have to beg for him to pick up his dirty clothes from the floor. He pours cereal  _ after _ the milk."

"I do that too?"

"I'm never riding with you to school just because you said that."

"C'mon! Otherwise the cereal just gets soggy!"

"No, it doesn't and you know it. You're just--" Donghyuck shakes his head. "You're just so chaotic. Remember me again why we're… dating?"

Yukhei leans over the table just a little, smiling widely. He pinches Donghyuck's cheek. "That's 'cause you think I'm a cutie! I look like the Sun!"

It's on the contract, sure, but he's pushing it, so Donghyuck slaps his hand away and kicks him on the shin once again. Yukhei doesn't seem that fazed by it, just steals one cherry tomato of Donghyuck's salad and leans back munching on it, wiggling his eyebrows obnoxiously. 

Donghyuck wonders how many times a day he'll have the urge to kiss him while their fake relationship goes on. And then he remembers – he can do that. Not right now, of course, when there isn't anyone to watch their show, but in theory, he can. Whenever he wants. 

He smiles down at the remainings of his sandwich. When Yukhei asks what's he smiling for, Donghyuck just shakes his head and asks him to pass the bottle of ketchup.

 

.

 

It's not that Donghyuck has never lied before.

He did. A lot, actually, – but he doesn't take pride on it! –, because there's only so much things you can tell your mother or your brothers while growing up.

For example, he never told his mother he'd done pot (once, it was terrible and Donghyuck's never doing it again) and only came out to her last year during Pride Week (they both cried), not to mention the time he broke one of her lipsticks, threw it away and let her think she lost it. He bought her a new one later, though. And, oh, Donghyuck's never told Chenle that he knows about his crush on Jaemin. He doesn't know if it's still a thing. He also never told him about the time Chenle's turtle died and Donghyuck had to bury it in the building's garden in the middle of the night while their mother went to buy another one so that he didn't notice – and he's  _ not _ going to tell him, even if it's been years that the  _ impostor turtle _ (that's how their mother called it) died too. Something similar had happened to Renjun as well – history repeats itself! – and Donghyuck is lying about that too, but that's a story for another time. 

And, well, he's lying about Yukhei, isn't he? He hasn't exactly told any of them about dating him yet, but in theory, he's lying 24/7 about it. 

The thing is: Donghyuck has never lied to Taeyong. Period. He didn't lie to him when Double Trouble chewed on Johnny's Valentines Day gift because Donghyuck accidentally let him into Taeyong's room – he ripped the bear to shreds, the whole room was covered in stuffing –, or about the time Donghyuck got into detention for punching this homophobic kid in class and the school called Taeyong. He could've easily said that the asshole was lying – because Donghyuck wasn't stupid, he waited until everyone left –, but the thing about Taeyong is that he's not the kind of person you lie to. Ever. 

Lying just breaks his heart. And Donghyuck doesn't ever want to break his brother's heart, so that's why he ignores every single Skype call that he gets as soon as he starts (fake) dating Yukhei.

"I can't do it," he tells Double Trouble over the familiar sound of an incoming call. The dog only looks at him briefly and goes back to chewing on his toy. "I'm lying to everyone in my life, I can't lie to him too. It's Ty. I can't do this."

A loud  _ bing _ comes from his phone, and Donghyuck looks at it briefly, already knowing that it's Taeyong asking him if he's busy. He waits a little bit and then types that he has an essay due in two hours and has barely started yet.

It's not a lie. He really does have an essay due in two hours. But he's writing it with Renjun and they're bullshiting their way through it with  _ excellency _ , no one is ever going to notice they haven't read the chapters they needed to. If he wanted, he could talk to Taeyong. 

He sighs, pushing up the prescription glasses up on the bridge of his nose to look over the comments Renjun has made in their document, then goes back to SparkNotes to find whatever's lacking in their essay.

By dinner time, the essay is ready and sent to their teacher's email. Renjun sends him a snap consisting of a selfie with a thumbs up, "Nailed it!!" he wrote. Donghyuck screenshots it because Renjun never really sends pictures of his face and replies with lots of heart emojis, which are promptly ignored by the older boy. You can't have everything, right? 

"Hey," Chenle knocks on his doorstep, – number one rule of the house is never shutting the doors unless it's utterly necessary because no one hears a thing, ever – holding up a bowl in his other hand. "Johnny is here and he's made kimchi fried rice. I can get you some?"

Donghyuck smiles, shutting his computer closed. "Wow, so generous!" he comments, and Chenle rolls his eyes. "There's no need, I'mma go see him."

His younger brother nods, then leaves to his room, probably. Donghyuck checks his phone one more time and sees that Taeyong has just entered class ( _ but we will talk later!! hmu *whale emoji* oops wrong one *crying emoji* _ ), then pockets the phone and heads downstairs. 

Sitting in one of the chairs at the dinner table, with a few books and a notepad on top of it, is Johnny. Since he's practically family-- no, since he  _ is _ family, it's not uncommon to see him hanging out by their home, usually studying because he claims his roommate, Yuta, is just too loud all the time – he's a musician, Donghyuck's heard, plays a billion different instruments and all. And also because he's been dating Taeyong since forever, so, yeah. 

The thing about Johnny is that Donghyuck thinks everyone in his family is a little bit in love with him, because there's no way you can meet Johnny and not be a little in love with him. Not romantically, of course, because that'd be a little bit awkward. 

Wincing at the thought, Donghyuck walks up to him and hugs him briefly from the back. "Hi!"

"Hey, Duckie! How's it going?" Johnny smiles. "Finished your essay yet?"

"Yup. And I'm not even going to ask what you're studying because it seems pretty difficult and I have no brain cells left."

Johnny chuckles, and points to the kitchen with his thumb. "Made you guys fried rice, I think Chenle's eating in his room. Go get some, it's delicious."

Donghyuck mutters under his breath about Johnny being  _ oh, so modest _ , but heads to the kitchen anyway. When he's satisfied with the copious amount of fried rice on his bowl, he sits down in front of Johnny and watches him studying for a while. After going through three or four topics carefully highlighted and writing down a few notes, the other closes his notepad and pushes it aside, lacing his fingers on top of the table.

"So," he says, and Donghyuck laughs because it all looks like a job interview. "How's it going with that one boy of yours?"

Donghyuck picks up the last bit of rice on his bowl and shrugs. "Good. He's, uh, my boyfriend? I never had a boyfriend before, but it's nice. Yukhei's nice."

The way Johnny smiles so happily makes his heart hurts. He also doesn't like lying to Johnny, and Donghyuck wants to tell him so bad – but he promised it, he even wrote it down on the contract. They can't tell anyone. So he smiles back at him instead.

"Well, he better be," Johnny continues. "Otherwise, Chenle would kick his ass."

Donghyuck laughs. "That's true. Oh, by the way! Do you know a Jaehyun?"

"Jaehyun? Jung? Ah, we talked a lot in school before I graduated but he moved to the States, didn't he?"

He nods. Judging by it, Donghyuck figures Johnny only knows Yukhei as his early teen crush – because Johnny was the person he confided  _ everything _ in the past, he knew everything about all of Donghyuck's crushes. Well, everything but the tapes, of course. 

Damn, must've sucked for Yukhei to date someone without telling anyone about it. But then again, it also must suck to  _ not _ date someone and have anyone thinking you are, right? 

Maybe Yukhei and him are on the same boat after all. Donghyuck snaps out of his thoughts when Johnny speaks again.

"But, like, have you told your mom already?" 

Donghyuck sighs. "No. Do you think she's going to react well?"

Johnny looks at him like he's grown two heads.

"I don't know if you're aware of it but your brother and I are in a very gay relationship, and I don't think your mother has any problem with us. Why are you asking?"

"Ah, not like this! I mean, I never dated anyone before, I'm not--" Donghyuck motions vaguely. "Taeyong, you know. He dated a few guys before you. Me? I'm seventeen and I only  _ suffer _ for boys, I don't ever date them. She must think I'm broken or something."

Johnny laughs. "Dating is not a big deal, Duckie. I mean, it's pretty nice, but no one is broken because they've never dated before. Some people don't even like to date and that's alright, too. And, really, knowing your mom, she probably doesn't even think about it like you do."

The younger boy nods, tapping his chopsticks against the edge of the bowl. 

"You're right. I think she just wants me to graduate and not do drugs. But if I ever bring him over, you have to be here to prevent Chenle from embarrassing me when I introduce him!"

"Embarrass you? I would never!"

Donghyuck turns around in his chair, startled, and Johnny laughs. Chenle watches them amusedly from the kitchen island, chin on his hand. 

"When did you get there?" Donghyuck asks, scowling.

"Just in time to say that it's bold of you to assume I don't know you're dating Wong Yukhei," he replies, simply. At that, Johnny laughs even harder. "Bro, news fly. I was just waiting for you to bring it up because I didn't wanna push it."

Donghyuck sighs. He gets up to put the bowl in the sink and takes the opportunity to give him a light slap on the back of the head, but Chenle dodges it like a pro. Years of training and all. 

"You're so annoying. Did you tell mom about it, lettuce head?"

"Of course not," Chenle replies, arms crossed. "I'm not a goddamn snitch!"

He truly isn't, and Donghyuck knows it. He sighs, tapping his brother on the back before going back to his place at the table. "You can't say "goddamn", it's not allowed."

"It's barely a swear word! And, also," Chenle continues. "You should invite him over for dinner. I can cook! Like, I can help Johnny cook."

Johnny snorts. "You can watch as I cook, Lele."

"I'm not inviting him for dinner," Donghyuck replies, shaking his head. "It would just be a disaster. I'll invite him to watch a movie and then you guys can go have ice cream or something."

Chenle wiggles his eyebrows at him, "So you can smooooooch?", he asks.

It isn't what Donghyuck meant. He was thinking about chilling with Yukhei like they do most of the times they hang out alone, but… He isn't opposed to it. Not at all. And not that any of them has to know about it, of course.

"So I can tell him all of the embarrassing stories I know about you!" he taunts. "And  _ then _ we will make out, preferably on your favorite spot on the couch!"

At that Chenle scoffs, turning around to look for desert. When Johnny goes back to his studying, Donghyuck fishes his phone out of his pocket and goes through Twitter until he's either bored or pissed off enough, then goes back to his room with the excuse that he has more homework to do.

He doesn't, he did it all beforehand. It's just that there's so much lying about fake boyfriends and fake movie dates that he can take before getting tired of himself. 

 

.

 

It's Monday and Donghyuck's sitting in the passenger seat of Yukhei's stupidly nice car, and he wants to bang his head against the window really bad.

"Can you guys please let me know what you're talking about?" he asks, for the thousandth time. "This is so unfair."

Yukhei's hand flies to his, lacing their fingers together, and he gives him a bright smile before looking at Chenle through the rearview mirror and resuming their talk. In  _ Mandarin _ .

He must have said something funny, Donghyuck thinks, because Chenle is laughing so hard that he has his head thrown back. He wonders if they're making fun of him for only knowing the basic of the basics in the language – like  _ hi _ ,  _ hello _ , and  _ Chenle, can you please shut up? _ –, but then again, Yukhei's too nice for that.

Chenle isn't. Chenle is the type to learn all the possible languages in the world only to annoy Donghyuck. He's been taking French classes since the year before. 

By his side, Yukhei gasps. "Who taught you this swear word?"

"Swear word?!" Donghyuck turns back on his seat, perplexed, at the same time that Chenle replies "Renjun!" happily. Donghyuck tries to slap him but he dodges it, and Yukhei gently pulls him back to his seat. "Chenle, mom is not going to be happy about this!"

"It's not that bad, baby," Yukhei says. "Hey, I can teach you Mandarin if you want."

Donghyuck is about to reply when Chenle leans into the space between their seats. "You can't," he reasons. "It's the only way I can have private conversations with Renjun when he's at home."

"You're a  _ demon _ ," Donghyuck sighs, and Yukhei breaks down in laughter. "Xuxi, stop it, you're only encouraging this behavior!"

Yukhei sends him a smile full of sorry, then engages back in the conversation with Chenle. As for Donghyuck, he sighs, leaning his head against the window and hoping that the ride to school would be quicker. He knew that properly introducing Chenle to his (fake) boyfriend was not a good idea, but he guesses damage is done. 

And, to be honest, it's really nice that Chenle has one more person to talk to in his mother tongue. He's thought about introducing him to one of his classmates, Xiao Dejun, but maybe they'd just be menaces together and Donghyuck isn't ready for that yet. 

"Your brother is so cute," Yukhei tells him as they walk to class, and his hand is on Donghyuck's back pocket just like that very first day as fake boyfriends. "He even gave me Yakult! I suddenly love Yakult."

"And you're a brother-pleaser," Donghyuck replies, scoffing. "He's gonna get pampered, will never want to ride the bus ever again. Do you see what you did here, Wong Yukhei?"

The latter shrugs, taking the hand off his pocket and placing it on Donghyuck's hips. He leans in and kisses him on the forehead. "Good luck on the Math test, don't forget to give me the answers in between classes."

Donghyuck groans, pushing him off. Yukhei laughs loudly, and it echoes in the almost empty hallway.

"You better be watching your phone," Donghyuck replies, under his breath, and goes to class.

 

.

 

His mother asks him about Yukhei when they're having dinner alone, barely three weeks after they started all of this. She does it very casually, the way you'd ask someone about the weather, and it somewhat gives Donghyuck a very good feeling, even if it's fake.

"I heard that you're going out with someone, is it true?"

He sighs, poking at the beef in his plate. "Did Chenle tell you?"

She nods negatively.

"Johnny?"

She smiles with her lips closed. 

Donghyuck groans. "What a snitch. Well, his name is Xuxi, he's from school…"

Thing is, he has never talked about boys with his mother. Partially because, duh, he only came out the year before, and partially because it makes him a little shy. She doesn't push it, though, just asks a few things about Yukhei and says that it's alright if Donghyuck wants to bring him home some other day.

Actually, his mom is so nice about it that it makes Donghyuck sad. He wishes she was saying those things about a real boyfriend of his.

 

.

 

"You're so warm, it's so nice."

Donghyuck groans: "Do you have to make everything weird?"

Under him, Yukhei shrugs – or tries to, because Donghyuck has his arms around his neck –, and then smiles unabashedly against his lips. "It's a compliment," he says. "I wanna be like this all day!"

Donghyuck tries to tune out the  _ screeches _ he hears behind them, where he knows Jaemin is sitting with Renjun on a couch. Or maybe Jaemin is there alone because he's a creep, or because his boyfriend left him there to get him another glass of water. Donghyuck truly hopes Guanheng comes back soon otherwise he'll have to throw shoes at Jaemin and he doesn't want to do that again – the first and only time he did it, at that very same place, Jaemin retaliated by throwing them on the pool at the back of Hyunjin's house and Donghyuck had to walk barefoot all night. 

See, Donghyuck has never been ashamed of making out with people in front of everyone. He's done it a lot in the past. But something about being on Yukhei's lap right now makes his face heat up, so he hides it on the latter's neck and waits for himself to calm down.

Jaemin  _ coos _ . Donghyuck wants to die. 

"Stop staring at them, baby, that's weird," he hears Guanheng saying. "C'mon, let's go outside and see the stars!"

When he thinks they left already, Donghyuck leans back, and Yukhei's hands are firm on his waist so that he doesn't fall backwards, which is appreciated because he's had a beer or two already. 

"You're warm, too," Donghyuck tells him, but only because he knows no one else is paying attention to their conversation. The people hanging out at Hyunjin's house were either too drunk to function, dancing their souls out or having makeout sessions everywhere. Just the usual. "Do you wanna get a drink?"

Yukhei shakes his head. He's changed the jewelry of his piercings and Donghyuck is somewhat obsessed with it, he can't stop staring. He blames it on the alcohol, though.

"I'm perfectly fine," Yukhei replies. It makes him scoff. "Hey! Can't a guy enjoy making out with his boyfriend?"

Donghyuck almost, almost blurts out a " _ fake! _ ", but perhaps he shouldn't talk about it when there are so many people around, even if it looks like no one's paying attention. For good measure, he leans in and pecks the corner of Yukhei's mouth. 

"Sorry," he says, but the other just shakes his head. "What? Apology not accepted?"

"You can apology with proper kisses."

Donghyuck rolls his eyes, but what can he do? Say no?

He cards his fingers through Yukhei's hair, a little sweaty from dancing earlier, and leans in one more time. 

As he should've expected, kissing Yukhei is amazing. He just knows what he's doing and knows he's good at it, because sometimes he smiles against Donghyuck's lips like he's doing right now and everything else is just white noise. 

That's the thing about Yukhei, Donghyuck's figured, he just does everything with his whole heart. That's why he lets Donghyuck hold his face and kiss him silly until he's melting, with his hands under Donghyuck's sweater, – "Warm!" –, and when Donghyuck leans back, he's just gorgeous. Messy hair, bruised lips adorning a dazzling smile like kissing Donghyuck is the best thing he's done all day. Yukhei looks like every inch of the boy he's fallen for all those years ago. 

Which is not part of the plan. Not at all. Donghyuck is out of his lap in a heartbeat with the excuse that he needs to go to the bathroom, and he doesn't look back, not even once. 

 

.

 

Wong Yukhei (03:03)

hyuckles

 

Wong Yukhei (03:04)

i just wanted to say that u

dont have to do things u dont wsnt to

just bc we're fake dating

 

Wong Yukhei (03:05)

ur my friend

& i dont wanna hurt u

like ever

so plis tell me if i upset u okei

 

Lee Donghyuck (10:34)

hey xuxi

srry i woke up just now

 

Lee Donghyuck (10:35)

it's fine rlly u didn't upset me

it's all good, i mean it

and thank u

 

Wong Yukhei (11:02)

:^) <3

 

.

 

"What a dumbass."

Donghyuck groans. "I know. I literally gave him knee pads, I don't know why he's not using them."

The boy beside him on the bleachers sighs, holding out his bag of popcorn. Donghyuck is not that used to talking to Guanheng, just knows the basic about him – he's a libra, has a billion cacti in his room, likes pink, likes Jaemin, has this habit that he keeps dancing while walking and Donghyuck appreciates the confidence, he also has the biggest eyes in the universe and it's sometimes unsettling –, but he's the only one that agreed to watch the volleyball match on that Wednesday night. Renjun bailed out because he hates games, Jaemin is on babysitter duty (he's saving money for the latter's birthday), and Chenle refused to go because he's certain that the school invests more in the volleyball team than the soccer team, so it's a protest of sorts.

The last part is a total lie, Donghyuck knows it by how they're two of the twenty something people at the bleachers right now. He grabs a handful of popcorn from Guanheng's bag and munches on it quietly, wondering why the hell Yukhei isn't wearing the knee pads he got him for his birthday. Now the idiot is just there, bleeding from the scratch he got after falling to his knees to receive one of Chani's tosses. 

"Yangyang is really good," Donghyuck comments, pointing to number 03. "Did he play a lot of volleyball in Germany? After eating paprika schnitzel as protein?"

Guanheng laughs, shaking his head. "He slapped me when the first time I talked about paprika schnitzel, be careful-- man, they're going to lose. This is sad."

They surely are. Their school's volleyball team is pretty bad, if you're wondering. Donghyuck thinks they might be cursed because he has never heard of a single victory in all the years he's been studying there, and they had pretty good members over the years – Woojin, Doyeon, Wooseok, Mina, Jinsoul. Those are the ones Donghyuck remembers at least. But the team as a whole is still… Terrible. Donghyuck winces when the other team makes another point.

"If only they let Felix play," Donghyuck mutters. "He can't, right? He plays for real in a club or something."

"Yup. Just like his friend, Changbin, he couldn't play for the school as well," replies Guanheng, fishing out the remainings of his popcorn. "In fact, I think he got an athlete scholarship because of that, I should've gone for it too--  _ damn _ , Jisung! That was a good one."

Yukhei screams so loud that it makes Donghyuck's ears hurt, but he watches amusedly as the older boy throws himself on top of Han Jisung. They both fall to the floor and the rest of the team laugh, but they're still going to lose. Donghyuck clears his throat: 

"At least they're having fun, right?"

"Yeah. But, honestly, it's kind of embarrassing," replies the other boy. "Yeah, at least they're having fun..."

"Hey, do you think- _ - _ Hendery, you were in Yukhei's year!"

Guanheng turns to him with eyebrows raised. "Yeah, why?"

Donghyuck doesn't know exactly what he's supposed to do with this piece of information, so he shrugs. "Don't know. Did you guys talk a lot back then?"

"Sometimes. He liked to hang out with the older dudes, like Jungwoo, remember him? Oh, and Dong Sicheng too, that famous dancer. Jaemin never shuts up about him…"

"Because they're mutuals on Instagram, I know," Donghyuck laughs. There's a loud buzzer noise that comes from the court, and the game is over. "Shit, let's go meet them."

Even with a small number of people watching, the end of the game is a mess, and it takes them a while to actually find anyone. Donghyuck sighs, thinking about sending a text to Yukhei telling him to meet him at the school's gates, but suddenly he feels himself being lifted from the floor. 

"What the--"

"Boyfie!" Yukhei exclaims, face pressed to the space between his shoulder blades, and Donghyuck wants to  _ kill _ him for causing a scene, but it's also cute, so it doesn't matter that much. "That one point I did was for you, did you see?"

"Right, thank you, put me down!"

Donghyuck sighs when his feet touch the ground once again. He turns around to see a very tired, very sweaty Yukhei smiling down at him. Donghyuck cups his jaw with a hand and stands on his tiptoes to kiss him briefly, which earns them a fake gag from Jisung who's passing by. He's gone before Donghyuck can flip him off.

"Do you wanna get out of here?" Yukhei asks. "Like, obviously you want to, but you wanna do something? If so, I'm thinking of taking a shower back in the locker room, 'cause I'm nasty, and then we can go--"

"We can go to my house," Donghyuck blurts out before he notices. "You can-- you can take a shower there. We can watch a movie? And order food?"

To be honest, Donghyuck doesn't really know why he said it. Being at home doesn't necessarily mean fake boyfriend duty, – he's sure his mother is working late again, and Chenle might still be in his Chemistry tutoring –, and Yukhei probably has better things to do than to hang out with him as friends. He, although, nods excitedly.

"Alright! Lemme just say bye to the guys real quick!"

 

. 

 

"Your room is lit," Yukhei tells him, as he sits in Donghyuck's bed. His hair is still wet and dripping down his neck, so Donghyuck throws him a face towel before he ends up doing things he'd regret later. "Aw, thanks. Anyway, I love the bookcase. Didn't take you for the reader type."

Donghyuck snorts, sitting on the chair by his desk. "C'mon, mom's a journalist, all my parents gave me as a kid was books. I'm totally not exaggerating, you should see Taeyong's old room."

Yukhei smiles. "That's nice, actually. I was too much of a adrenaline junkie to actually sit down and read, I liked to do sports all day. Swimming class, baseball, basketball, judo, capoeira. Damn, I miss capoeira, it was so nice."

Donghyuck watches as he tries to dry his hair, and thinks that never in a billion years he'd even consider the idea of having Wong Yukhei sitting in  _ his _ room, after having a shower on  _ his _ bathroom, talking about  _ his _ books and all that. Fifteen year old Donghyuck would be dying, really. 

"Hey," he says, opening one of the drawers on his desk. "Put this on your knee before it falls off,"

Yukhei lowers the towel. He looks like a wet puppy. "What?", and then Donghyuck throws a pack of Band-Aids on his direction. "Ah, thank you! This hurt like a bitch when I put it under water, I forgot your knee pads at home…"

 

. 

 

Back To The Future has barely started and Donghyuck already thinks that inviting Yukhei over to his house was a bad idea.

First of all, it has nothing to do with how  _ in place _ he looks there. Maybe it does make Donghyuck's heart hurt to see him in his living room, playing with Double Trouble like they've been best friends for years – he has honestly never seen Dot get this comfortable with someone ever since Taeyong went to France –, or to see him talking to the doorman through the intercom (Donghyuck was busy trying to connect their ancient DVD set to the TV) like this isn't the first time he's been here, and actually going to get their takeout at the gate. 

No, it's not the domestic part of it that makes him think it's a bad idea. 

What makes him think it's a bad idea is this: Yukhei's hand on his knee, his fingers drawing nonsense against the fabric of his pajamas, absentmindedly because he never seems to stop moving so of course he'd find a way to occupy his hands. No, scratch that, that's not the thing, Yukhei always gravitates towards people. The thing is this: Donghyuck  _ likes _ it, he wants  _ more _ of it. 

But he can't do that to himself, or to Yukhei. He can't possibly want Yukhei's hands on him when they're literally alone, not even a soul in sight to force them to pretend. He shouldn't be thinking of it because it'd just be unfair, right? It's unfair to be watching a movie with a friend (friend!) and start to think about… About…

Shit. He's doing it. Donghyuck curses himself up to the fourth generation of his children because he presses his knee closer to Yukhei's thigh like the idiot he is, and keeps his eyes focused on the TV screen because he's also a coward, apparently. Great, Donghyuck. You're doing great.

He can feel the weight of Yukhei's eyes on him, and his fingers don't move anymore, but Donghyuck keeps watching as Marty McFly's mom starts talking about how she met his dad. Maybe if he ignores him for so long they're collectively forget about it, but Donghyuck doesn't want to forget about it, so he presses his knee harder, and then Yukhei's fingers start moving again, tapping lightly against his thigh before going back to drawing circles and random patterns with his fingertips.

The angle is a little awkward, and after a while Yukhei's elbow is digging into his hip uncomfortably so Donghyuck shifts, – he doesn't even know how they got so close in the couch like that, honestly, there's plenty of room –, and at this point he doesn't care about it and just throws his leg over Yukhei's, eyes still fixed on the TV.

"Getting comfy?" the latter asks, and it startles Donghyuck because he's right there above his ear. 

"I sure am," Donghyuck replies, but this time his gaze follows how Yukhei's hand gets a hold of his leg again. "You?"

He chuckles, "Never been comfier."

Donghyuck, too, has never been comfier, probably. He feels like he could straight up melt against Yukhei because he's just big and warm. It's not weird to cuddle up to your fake boyfriend, is it? Because Donghyuck does it all the time with Jaemin, who's a friend, and sometimes even Renjun when he's feeling like it. Cuddling is good. It's so good, actually, that he lets his head fall to the side of Yukhei's shoulder, and he's smelling like Donghyuck's lemongrass soap bar. It feels awfully familiar for obvious reasons. He sighs. 

Donghyuck is, and this comes from the bottom of his little gay heart, utterly FUCKED.

 

.

 

Donghyuck buys Renjun a Moomin backpack for his 18th birthday, and he and Jaemin print out pictures of their early teenage years to make a memory album. He spends the night working on it and, well, talking to Yukhei through video call.

Listen. Donghyuck has to admit that they've grown a lot closer ever since their fake relationship started. Maybe that's what you get for forcing yourself to spend time with someone. You get close. You talk about stuff. You become even more friends. 

They don't talk about that movie night. Never. In fact, Donghyuck pretends it didn't happen and prohibits himself to think about it most times. Keyword: most. He's lost counts of the nights he spent awake thinking of what could have possibly happened if they hadn't watched the entire movie (platonic) cuddling until they both fell asleep and nothing more, what could have possibly happened if he… Hypothetically… Made out with Yukhei for real. Not just for show. 

Big, gay, theatrical sigh. 

"Look how cute this Moomin sticker is!" he raises the album for Yukhei to see, pointing with his finger to the sticker he's glued to the side of the page. "I got it on eBay. Renjun is going to swoon over it. He loves Moomin."

"That's adorable," Yukhei laughs. He's been doing his Physics homework while Donghyuck works on his gift. "In fact,  _ you _ are adorable for doing this for Renjun."

"Ah, shut up," Donghyuck replies, lowering the album. He starts attaching the pictures of a school trip in which they went to the countryside on sophomore year. "I really like handmade stuff. If I could, I would have made a backpack for him by scratch, but I don't know how to sew."

"And that's what makes you adorable. Taking time to do stuff for your friends is really cool, Hyuckles."

Donghyuck rolls his eyes, muttering a thank you under his breath. They fall to silence once again, and he finishes at least three pages from the album when Yukhei speaks again: 

"Hey, would you teach me how record tapes? I'm not making fun of you. I never was. I really wanna know how to set up, like, old school mixtapes."

Donghyuck tilts his head, looking at him. Yukhei is leaning over his desk, so close to the webcam that Donghyuck can clearly see the pimple that appeared on his forehead the other day, and his bottom lip is jutted out in a way that makes him look like a kid.

How could be possibly say no, is what Donghyuck asks to himself.

"Alright," he replies. "But we're doing it the easier way because I'm lazy, alright? You can come over to my house and then I'll show you."

Yukhei smiles widely, "Awesome sauce!" he exclaims, then proceeds to send him a kiss through the webcam. Donghyuck stares. "Ow, come on, Hyuckles, catch my kiss!"

He does it again, and this time, Donghyuck catches it and puts it inside the breast-pocket of his button-up shirt. Close to his heart and all. Yukhei pretends to fall from his chair at that. 

 

.

 

TY Lee (11:09)

hey little bro, you good? 

i think you're in class right now, but i'm just gonna go for it

 

TY Lee (11:10)

johnny let it slide that you're seeing a boy

why didn't you tell me about it? :(

 

TY Lee (11:11)

i know that we don't talk a lot bc of time zones

& all of that stuff 

but i gotta let you know i'm here for you, okay?

i got really sad that you didn't tell me :( but you must've had your reasons

 

TY Lee (11:12)

i love you donghyuckie

hope you're doing fine

 

.

 

The morning before Renjun's birthday, Donghyuck properly introduces Yukhei to his mother.

Well, first things first, he didn't intend to. In fact, he thinks he could've avoided it until it was time for them to break up, somewhere by the end of the year. But his mother hadn't gone to work that day, she caught a cold, and Donghyuck unfortunately had forgotten his lunch on top of the kitchen island. So now he's sitting on the passenger seat of Yukhei's car like he's been doing for the past weeks, waiting patiently for his mom to wrap up the talk with Yukhei and let them go to school.

But she seems far too enthusiastic. They're going to be late. Not that Donghyuck would care under normal circumstances, but it's bad enough that Chenle got attached to Yukhei. He doesn't need his mom all over his fake boyfriend only to break up with him way sooner than they expect, alright?

"A major in Economy? That's so nice!" his mom smiles, and Donghyuck would be so mad at her if she didn't look so cute in her socks-and-flip-flops look. "I have a few economist friends, I can arrange a talk with someone if you'd like."

"Wow, that'd be so nice, Mrs. Lee!"

"Please, you can call me Minseo."

Donghyuck groans, sticking his head out of the window. "We're late for schooooool!"

Chenle hisses on the backseat. "Don't tell 'em!", he says.

When Yukhei starts the engine and Donghyuck's mother presses one last kiss to Chenle's cheek, Donghyuck is left thinking that he's going to feel like shit when he and Yukhei have “break up” and his family will be wondering why they didn't work out. 

 

.

 

"Why did you invite  _ him,  _ anyway?" 

Renjun tears the wrap of one of his gifts with too much force, which earns him a loud whine from Yangyang because what if he damages his gift!, and sighs. "If you're bothered, you can always leave."

Mouth agape, Donghyuck shakes his head in disbelief. He looks through the big window in Renjun's living room, the one that has a nice view to the garden, and watches as Jeno sits by the edge of the pool, casually talking to one of the kids from Renjun's art class. It's too cold to swim but everybody prefers being outside anyways. 

"You're choosing Lee Jeno over me? Like, of all people?"

"We're friends, Hyuck," Renjun replies. When Yangyang senses where the talk is going, he quickly gets up, kisses the top of Renjun's head lightly and runs to the kitchen. The latter groans, but continues to open the gift. "Like, you'd know that we're friends if you didn't spend so much time with your boyfriend, I guess."

"Friends?" Donghyuck echoes. He looks at the discarded wrappings in his lap, and his distorted reflection in the golden one mocks him. "You're friends with Jeno? When did that happen?"

Renjun shrugs. "Jaemin introduced him to me."

"Jaemin. Like, our Jaemin. Since when does  _ he _ know Jeno?"

"Well, I don't know, Hyuck. Maybe just because you pretend he doesn't exist doesn't mean that he really does not exist."

He snorts. "Sure. That's a nice one, Injun."

"Nice one?" Renjun drops Yangyang's shirt on his lap. "You think I'm joking? Why are you so pressed about Jeno being here?"

"You don't even talk to him!"

"I talk to him all the time! We-- we all do," he sighs. "You're just… You'd talk to him too if you actually spent time with us."

Donghyuck wants to deny it badly, really badly, but he knows Renjun's telling the truth. He doesn't spend as much time with his friends as he did before (fake) dating Yukhei, and it suddenly hits him that maybe Renjun does talk to Jeno now. Maybe he just didn't notice. But he's far too engaged in this fight already, so Donghyuck puts the wrappings aside and stands up. 

"I'm not pressed," he replies. "I just don't know why you'd want to hang out with him when he broke my heart."

Renjun rolls his eyes, standing up as well. He puts a hand on Donghyuck's shoulder. "If you tried to talk to him, you'd notice that Jeno isn't even half of the things you imagine him to be. He didn't break your heart. You did it yourself and you know it."

Donghyuck doesn't have, inside himself, the guts necessary to lie to Renjun's face like that. So instead of talking, he bats Renjun's hand away and starts walking to the door.

But it's Renjun we're talking about, so of course he follows him. Donghyuck is past the front porch when Renjun pulls on the back of his shirt. "Are you seriously gonna leave me on my fucking birthday? Like, because of Lee Jeno?"

When Donghyuck doesn't reply, nor turns around, Renjun lets his hand drop to the side of his body.

"Jeno is a really nice guy, you know," he continues. "You… You'd be really good friends if you wanted to, Hyuck. I know things that have to do with our hearts are really shitty to deal but it's been years, dude. And you're, like, dating Yukhei now. Why do you still care about it?"

Donghyuck keeps his gaze fixed on the pavement. He's not going to cry in front of Renjun, but he says this: 

"I'm not dating Yukhei."

Renjun laughs. "What?"

He turns around, and Renjun's expression drops.

"I'm not dating Yukhei," Donghyuck repeats. He rubs one of his eyes stubbornly with a hand, to the point Renjun has to make him stop. "I'm pretending to date him because we-- we made a deal. So I'm not dating him and I've always been shit at dealing with everything and suddenly all my ex crushes are everywhere--"

"Pretending? Hyuck, what…"

"-- And I'm just overwhelmed! I didn't know you're friends with Jeno now and you know I was always  _ dying _ to be his friend and I'm fucking crying, and I'm going home now!"

"What?" Renjun shakes his head. He motions for Donghyuck's hand and, for some reason, he lets him take it. "No, no, wait a second. We're going to my room now. C'mon, Hyuckie, let's go."

 

.

 

Perhaps it's time to talk about Lee Jeno.

So, as a start, picture this: you're sixteen and you're in love with the cutest boy in class. Well, maybe not the cutest because thinking about it now, Jeno did have a terrible haircut back then, but Donghyuck did too, so who's he to talk? Nevertheless, Jeno used to sit in the third table of the third row in Mrs. Jung's class and he had a picture of his three cats as the lockscreen of his phone – he still does, actually, but Donghyuck doesn't know about it –, and despite his very quiet personality, he was the one who narrated every soccer game in school. Or most of them. And Donghyuck never liked soccer but he liked to hear Jeno's voice, so he attended every single game.

Thing is, they weren't friends. They were never friends in the first place, and when Donghyuck realized his crush, he figured he couldn't ever be Jeno's friend even if he wanted to because it would just be unfair to him. 

Well, that, and the spin the bottle thing. So now picture this: you're sixteen and you're in love with the cutest (debatable) boy in class, you're invited to a party that isn't anything like the kid parties you used to go in freshmen year, and on top of that, you never had your first kiss. 

So maybe Donghyuck is dying for the bottle to fall on Jeno – it's Jaemin's idea, and Jaemin knows about his crush, so of course he strategically makes Donghyuck sit in front of Jeno on their little circle –, because that's what he does when he had crushes. He wants to kiss them, even if it's just once. Normal Donghyuck behavior, right?

Oh, boy. Here's comes the part of the story where, quoting Renjun, shit goes down. The bottle does end up falling on Jeno. 

Picture this: it's Donghyuck's time to shine! He's two seconds from kissing lee jeno on the mouth. He looks so cute even up close. One second now. Everything else is just white noise. Half a second. It's building up, Donghyuck's face is burning, and--

Jeno's hand is on his chest. "I'm really sorry about this, Donghyuck," he says. And then he gets up. And everyone in the circle is booing – including Jaemin, who's just outraged by it –, and Donghyuck sits back on his heels wondering if it's socially acceptable to dig a hole in the ground of Jaemin's backyard and bury himself there until he goes back to being stardust.

But it doesn't stop there! Picture this: you're sixteen, and you corner Lee Jeno against a locker when class already started, corridor empty. 

"Why didn't you kiss me?" Donghyuck asks. It's genuine, there's no anger or malice in his words because he couldn't ever be mad at Jeno like that. "Am I not cute? Were you expecting to kiss someone else? Have you never kissed someone before and you were afraid to do it?"

Jeno's face is as pale as the wall behind him and Donghyuck starts thinking that this was all a bad idea, and that's when Jeno's hands come up to grab the front of his shirt, and when he presses his lips to Donghyuck's cheek for a split second, it's like he's saying sorry again. 

"I'm not going to kiss you for real, Donghyuck," he says. It's probably the longest sentence Donghyuck's ever heard from him. "Please, don't ask me to do that. It's nothing personal, I swear. I'm sorry."

But then again, Donghyuck's sixteen, and he doesn't know what Jeno means by that, so he taps Jeno's hands lightly and leaves.

He records a tape two days later, full of the things he's never going to say. 

Needless to say what happens next. 

 

.

 

"Lemme see if I got it right," Renjun brushes the fringe out of Donghyuck's face with careful fingers. "You're fake dating Yukhei because he needs a plus one to a wedding and because you're trying to run from your ex crushes?"

"Yes," Donghyuck replies, in a tiny voice. His face is all puffy from crying, and Renjun pats his cheek lightly. He appreciates the gesture. "Do you think it's a bad idea?"

"Oh, dear, I think it's a terrible idea. But the did is done now, isn't it?"

Donghyuck sighs. He looks over Renjun's shoulder to the door that was carefully locked so that no one would interrupt their talk – as in, Jaemin, who wants to know what's going on but Donghyuck can't have any other person knowing about his secret –, and wonders if Renjun is ever going to forgive him for making him spend a part of his birthday locked in his room talking about feelings that aren't even his. 

But then again, it's Renjun, and everybody knows he cares about Donghyuck more than he cares about a lot of things – most of the times, though, Donghyuck fails to realize that –, so he presses both his hands to Donghyuck's cheeks and says: "Tell me you're over Jeno, Hyuck."

"I am!" he exclaims, exasperated. "I, from the bottom of my heart, am over Lee Jeno. In fact, I've been over him for ages. I pinky promise you that I pretend he doesn't exist because of the kissing fiasco and nothing else."

Renjun nods. "Good. Are you over Yukhei, then?"

"Uh, totally."

"Dude, don't lie to my face. You're terrible at it."

"But I am not lying, Jesus," Donghyuck insists. He bats Renjun's hands away and groans. "I'm not gonna fall for him again. It's on the contract."

"Uhm, the fake contract of your fake relationship? Sounds legit."

"The relationship might be fake but the contract is real!"

Renjun sighs. He takes a look on his wristwatch – Jaemin gave it to him, it also came with a couple bracelet but he refused to wear it –, and then at him again. "You can stay here if you want, but I'd really like to have my best friend on my birthday party. Even if he's being a big baby."

"I'm not being a big baby!" and then silence. "Alright, but I better get the first slice of cake."

"That's too bad, Nana claimed it already. But you can have it next year."

"Deal!"

 

.

 

Yukhei's room in his father's house is what someday used to be an attic. It's all wood and things hanging on the ceiling – Marvel and Sailor Moon (Donghyuck knew it, honestly) posters, drawings that his little brother had made, pictures of his friends and family –, and he doesn't have a real bed, just a really comfortable mattress on the floor, right under a big window.

Donghyuck knows it's comfortable because he's been laying here with his face buried on Yukhei's pillow for some time now. Like, thirty minutes or something. He feels Yukhei's fingers on his back very briefly. Maybe he's checking if he's still breathing. 

"Are you still thinking about Renjun's birthday party?" Yukhei asks. Donghyuck groans. "I gotta say, I was really worried when you asked me to pick you up. I thought something bad had happened to you."

He shifts, now pressing his cheek to the pillow. Fresh air feels great. Donghyuck looks at Yukhei, laying there by the edge of the mattress, and the latter gives him a reassuring smile. "I'm a mess, Xuxi," he says. "I don't know how my friends keep up with my bullshit most of the time."

"You're not a mess," Yukhei replies, softly. "You said it yourself. You just feel things… A lot. That's totally alright, nothing wrong with it."

At that, Donghyuck giggles even if he feels miserable for freaking out on Renjun. Thing about Wong Yukhei is that he never fails to make people laugh. "Still a mess, though," replies the younger boy. "And I told Renjun, by the way, so I'm sorry."

Yukhei sits up, looking down at him. "Pardon me?"

"I told him about us."

There it is, the silence. Donghyuck wonders when he'll learn how to shut up, but then Yukhei shrugs. "That's alright," he repeats. "I mean, as long as he don't--"

"He wouldn't. It's Renjun, really. My ride or die."

Yukhei lays down on the mattress once more. When he looks to the side, to watch Donghyuck, he's far too close – their noses almost touch –, and Donghyuck buries his face on the pillow once again.

"You wanna stay? Tonight?" Yukhei asks, in a small voice. If Donghyuck wasn't so acutely aware of him, he wouldn't hear it.  "We have a spare mattress in the guest room, you can sleep in my bed and I use that one."

"I can't," he replies, and it's a lie. It's Friday, even his brother is out, but he's thinking of that time in his own house, and Donghyuck doesn't trust himself. "Can you drive me home?"

It takes a while for Yukhei to reply. "Of course I can, Hyuckles."

 

.

 

"I'm so happy that you're here!" Jaemin whispers on his ear, his arms wrapped around Donghyuck in a tight hug. "My dad's so happy, he's practically beaming."

"I'm happy too," Donghyuck replies, because he really is. He's never been to a studio in his whole life, and he's not even sure if making music is what he wants to do for a living but spending some time with Jaemin while on a school activity (that earns him credits!) is something that he wouldn't ever pass. "But don't you have your own internship today?"

Jaemin shrugs. "They scheduled it for next week because it's at school anyway. Also, dad asked me to stay because he doesn't know how to talk to teenagers."

From the other side of the recording booth, Jaemin's dad shouts "I heard that! I have a young soul!"

The boy shrugs. "He keeps saying that. He has no idea he's like a hundred years old now."

"I heard that too, Jaemin!"

"You know what," Jaemin reaches for his hand. "Let's grab a coffee before the others arrive, Hyuck."

Na Jaejoon's studio is in the part of town that Donghyuck never goes – because everything there is just too expensive –, so he lets Jaemin drag him to the nearest coffee shop. They sit at one of the high tables by the window and Jaemin orders his despicable devil's juice under the excuse that he's trying to keep it down, but Donghyuck still texts Renjun to keep track of their friend's addiction to caffeine. When he's finished, Donghyuck sets the phone down on the table.

"So!" Jaemin smiles, stainless steel straw between his teeth – he's got all of them a couple of these, because save the turtles and all. Donghyuck might have lost his, but he's not going to tell him. "How's it going with Yukhei? You guys have been dating for, what, almost three months now?"

"Yeah," Donghyuck replies, nodding. "Crazy, right?" 

"I think it's cute. I like you guys so much. I like this turn of events,"

"Turn… Of events?"

Jaemin shrugs. "Well, you liked him back in the day, and by the way he looks at you I'm sure that he's been liking you for a while. He's, like, pretty much head over heels in love with you! It's so cute!"

Donghyuck wonders if he's going to hell for lying straight to Jaemin's face like that, but then again, he's not really sure if he believes in God or whatever, so he can't be totally worried about that, right? 

"Well, I don't know," he replies, because maybe that's better than lying. "I guess we just clicked,"

Nodding happily, Jaemin takes another sip of his horrible coffee and checks the time on his expensive wristwatch – which is, like, exactly the same as the one he gave Renjun, and Donghyuck wonders if he'll be getting a matching wristwatch too on his birthday in June –, then smiles at him again. 

"Sooooooooo, you're totally going to room with him in our graduation trip, I bet. Therefore I can room with Injun and you won't feel left out?"

"Graduation trip?" Donghyuck fights the visceral urge to groan, and the smile he gives Jaemin might be a little painful. "Oh, man! I totally forgot about it, can you believe it? And-- I… What do you mean room with him, haha?"

Jaemin eyes him carefully and Donghyuck, afraid he'll see through his facade, pretends to be busy with his caramel macchiato. "I mean, so you guys can be all lovey dovey?" he tries, but Donghyuck still doesn't look up. Jaemin snorts. "Donghyuckie, I just asked you if you're going to pick him as your roommate, not if you'll--"

"Which we totally won't because what the  _ hell _ ?" 

"I didn't say anything like that, geez!"

Donghyuck looks up, pouting. "Can't I room with you guys? Are you kicking me out only because I got a boyfriend? I already had this talk with Renjun!"

When Jaemin takes his hand and starts apologizing, Donghyuck lets himself tune out of his best friend's voice and starts wondering how the hell he managed to forget about the graduation trip. Graduation trip! To that fancy beach condo! With a lot of sand, a lot of beach weather, a lot of people kissing and doing--

Donghyuck snorts on his latte. Disgusting. He truly hates teenagers. And then he wonders if Yukhei will even want to go on the trip because he's probably been there last year, and then he wonders if Yukhei has ever--

"I can't room with him, actually," Donghyuck replies, without thinking. "I already agreed to be in Hyunjin's room. Like, I just remembered that. My mind!"

Jaemin doesn't really look like he believes him, but he nods accordingly. "Let's go back, then? I bet there's people at the studio by now."

"Yeah, sure," Donghyuck replies, sipping the last bits of his latte before standing up. 

 

.

 

Lee Donghyuck (11:03)

oh my god hyunjin

pls let me be w u

on our graduation trip

 

Hwang Hyunjin (11:05)

what

u havent got a roommate yet?

 

Lee Donghyuck (11:05)

WAS I SUPPOSED TO?

the thing is like

in 2 months!!!

 

Hwang Hyunjin (11:06)

EXACTLY???????

i've been planning this

since LAST YEAR 

 

Lee Donghyuck (11:07)

pls let me room w u

i'm literally going to die

i'll do anything

 

Hwang Hyunjin (11:09)

donghyuckie it's fine

just bring your own face mask

bc felix doesn't share 

he a lil bitch

 

Lee Donghyuck (11:10)

p e r f e c t

 

Lee Donghyuck (11:11)

i love you my roomies 

THANK YOU

 

Hwang Hyunjin (11:12)

ur welcome bb

just pls don't take ur bf into our room

u can go make out w him at the hot tub

hehehehe  (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞

 

Donghyuck doesn't bother replying. He tucks his phone deep into his bag and tries to pay attention to what Jaemin's father is saying, cursing himself mentally because he should be enjoying the opportunity to be on an actual music studio but there he is, blushing furiously to match with his dyed red hair.

"You look like a little tomato," Jaemin whispers in his ear, hand coming up to pinch his cheek. "Don't worry, I'll turn the AC on. Gotcha!"

 

.

 

The first thing Donghyuck notices when he arrives in English class, first thing in the morning and with a can of iced tea in hands, is that Yukhei had dyed his hair dark brown during the weekend, and suddenly Donghyuck doesn't know how to function.

"Hey, babe!" Yukhei whisper-shouts, already leaning over the table where Donghyuck put his bag to press a kiss to his cheek, and then to his mouth. "You good?"

"Your hair," Donghyuck replies, like the moron he is. "What happened to your hair?"

Yukhei's hand comes up instantly, fingers running to the dark strands. They're long, like they obviously were when he was blonde, but it all makes him look a lot younger. It tragically reminds Donghyuck of how Yukhei looked when he was in love with him.

"Oh, well," he replies, smile a little too shy. "It was a friend's idea. Jungwoo is, uh, good with this kind of thing. I was growing tired of the blonde… ?"

Before Yukhei can ask him if he liked it, which he obviously would, judging by the size of his eyes right now, Donghyuck puts his can of iced tea down on the table and cups the other's face with his free hand. Even though Yukhei winces a little at the coldness of his hand, he starts smiling before Donghyuck even says anything.

"You look really good," he says, which is true. Of course it's true. "It brings out your eyes,"

Yukhei's smile becomes even bigger. He waves it off, "Why, thank you!" and Donghyuck doesn't trust himself, not even a little bit, so he pats his cheek for a split second and then sits down.

"Are you gonna sit with me or nah?" he asks. 

"Of course!"

English class is, like the usual, a little boring. Donghyuck finishes writing a late essay while Yukhei takes a nap, arms crossed over the table and his face turned to Donghyuck. He spends an awfully long time just looking at Yukhei, at his long eyelashes and how his lips look puffier when his cheek his pressed against his arm like that. In fact, Donghyuck's so engrossed in it that at some point Jisung passes by their table – he's just spent over fifteen minutes arguing with the teacher in front of the class because apparently he had a really good excuse for not submitting his video, which was, like, his dog's death or something. Jisung has never had a dog, period. – and knocks his knuckles against the top of it, startling Donghyuck.

"Hey--" Jisung starts.

"Leave me alone and  _ don't _ wake him up," Donghyuck whispers, pointing at Yukhei with his chin. Jisung rolls his eyes dramatically, then smiles. 

"Tell him practice was cancelled today, then."

Yukhei opens one of his eyes, "Says who?"

"Says coach," replies Jisung, matter-of-factly. "You'd know if you checked your phone before napping."

"Too early for this, I'mma go back to my nap, thank you!"

When Yukhei yawns, Donghyuck snorts. Jisung shakes his head and pats him on the shoulder before going back to his chair.

"Did he leave?" Yukhei asks, eyes closed. 

"Yup."

Yukhei smiles. "Nice. Why don't you take a nap with me?"

Donghyuck scoffs. On the computer screen, he sees that they still have over thirty minutes of class. Everyone is busy either finishing (or starting) their late essays, napping or just watching silly videos on Youtube while the teacher himself watches the video analysis they produced. "I can't, I'm not even close to being done with talking about the meaning of the color red in the movie."

See, Donghyuck and Eric  _ nailed _ it with their Vertigo analysis done in less than two days, right before Renjun's birthday party – now every time Donghyuck wears green to class, Eric shouts "Necrophilia!" from across the room no matter where they are, startling anyone who hasn't watched their video. But they still have a whole essay to write about it – which is what Donghyuck is doing now –, and Eric is sick, so he has to write it alone somehow, and he really should spend these last thirty minutes to wrap it up.

"Never watched Vertigo," Yukhei comments, and he's eyeing Donghyuck now. "My mom's a big enthusiast of Rear Window, though, and I watched all seasons of Bates Motel!"

Donghyuck chuckles. He finishes a paragraph and turns to him, pushing the notebook away so he can rests his elbows on the table. "I could watch it with you, but I'm a little sick of it now that I've wasted my remaining braincells on this analysis."

This time, it's Yukhei who laughs. His right hand, tucked under his arm, reaches for the fabric of Donghyuck's long-sleeved shirt. He feels it with the tips of his fingers absentmindedly. "Tell me about it," he says. "Mr. Lee gave me so much shit for my analysis of Train To Busan, but it's not my fault that Jisung forgot to post our video on Youtube!"

" _Because his dog is_ _dead_ ," Donghyuck mimics.

"HE IS, SHOW SOME RESPECT!" Jisung shouts from the back of the class, but they pay him no attention. 

Yukhei's hand is still on his sleeve, tugging at it lightly while he mutters quietly about his video, and Donghyuck isn't really listening to what he's saying because he's too engrossed in the way Yukhei rubs his fingers over the fabric, over his arm, and if Donghyuck presses his elbow closer to his just slightly, for him to continue his ministrations, none of them say anything.

Still, he's acutely aware of Yukhei's big eyes on him, so he does his best to stare at the screen where his video analysis is now playing, Eric's voice echoing on his headphones so low that it's just a hum. Not that Donghyuck is paying attention. He hopes Yukhei won't notice that he's staring blankly at the screen even after the video is over.

 

.

 

The rest of the month flies by smoothly, if you ask Donghyuck.

By smoothly, in his case, Donghyuck means that he manages not to combust every time Yukhei looks at him, and not to fail on every class he has with him because he's too busy staring, and not to be a complete shit friend to Jaemin and Renjun. Which are pretty much his top priorities – not to die, not to flunk, not to be alone –, but there are also honorable mentions, such as: getting back to being friends with Mark just like they were before he left (even though it's still a little weird, because it's been so long, but they're getting there), having an alright dinner with Yukhei's dad and his stepmother (we'll talk about this later), being a good big brother to Chenle (Donghyuck took him to his first real party. Well, Yukhei drove, but he was there in the passenger seat talking about how you should never mix booze and weed, and that Chenle wasn't supposed to consume any of that, he was just warning him), and not being a complete weirdo with Lee Jeno. 

That last part is totally due to Yukhei. In fact, if it wasn't for him, maybe Donghyuck would still want to run away every time he catches a glimpse of that eye smile.

It happens not exactly all at once, and there's nothing extremely important to pinpoint, but it goes a little like this:

"I don't want this to be weird," Yukhei announces, standing at the door of his room – well, it's not exactly a door because he sleeps in the attic and the door is, in fact, a trapdoor, and he's standing in the steps that lead all the way up there, halfway into the room and halfway out of it –, and Donghyuck has to roll on the bed to look at him. "But my dad got you a toothbrush because he, and I quote, noticed how you're always here so you might as well have a toothbrush."

KEYWORD, OR KEYPHRASE: ALWAYS HERE.

Donghyuck is always here. At Yukhei's. More often than not in his room, but they also like to hang out in the garden when it's warmer or in the TV room to catch up on their latest show. He comes over after class, he comes over after lunch on the weekend, sometimes he just stays there and Yukhei will drive them both to school in the morning – he'll even get Chenle, because he's a spoiled brat and can't take the bus anymore, apparently. 

Lee Donghyuck is with Wong Yukhei at least 70% of his time. 75% if you take in account that even when he hangs out with Renjun and Jaemin, Yukhei is there too – but only sometimes, because they still have their own hang outs. 

Therefore, his worries about Jeno? Being weird near him because they still haven't talked about his tape, because suddenly Jeno's a friend of his friends, because Donghyuck is not used to having him around? From the bottom of his heart, Donghyuck doesn't care about it. If it crosses his mind once in a while, it surely doesn't affect him the same way it did before.

And the fact that it has to do with how being Yukhei gets him free of pretty much all of his worries – including family things, school things, even Yukhei things if that's possible –, well, he doesn't know if he's grateful or if he hates that, but for now, Donghyuck gives him a big smile and says: "That's so cute. I love it."

Yukhei throws a punch in the air, and the force of it almost sends him down the stairs, so he quickly makes his way all the way up to the room and throws the toothbrush package at him. Donghyuck catches it, giggling, because its shade of yellow matches perfectly with the converses that he left by the door. 

"I'm gonna thank him later," he says. "Your dad's really cool. I'm gonna miss him."

Yukhei frowns as he sits down on the bed. He's still wearing his practice uniform, which is kind of nasty, but Donghyuck doesn't really mind. "Miss him? Where you going?" Yukhei asks.

"Uh," Donghyuck replies, because he didn't really think it through before saying that. "You know, when we break up. I'm gonna miss him when we break up."

Yukhei nods, but he still has a funny face on. "Well, you can still come over then. I mean, we're friends, right? It's a fake break up, anyway."

Donghyuck nods as well, but there's something in the back of his mind telling him that this is all way too awkward for him to handle, so he tries thinking of something else to say and fails miserably. Fortunately, Yukhei is pretty good at improvising, so he stretches and says: "So, dad is going out with my stepmom, so we can order takeout and eat while watching TV. Not that he doesn't approve of that because he does it all the time, but anyway,"

"Nice. But you better take a shower first because you're a stinky boy, Xuxi."

"Hey! I'm not even sweaty, take a look!"

"I don't wanna see your armpits, thank you-- YUKHEI!"

 

.

 

"So you finally got yourself some time for your brother, huh?"

Donghyuck gives Taeyong a half-heartedly smile, shifting in his place on the bed. He waited for everyone in the house to leave so that he could call Taeyong, because he can't remember the last time he's seen his face through a screen and it would be just awkward to have Taeyong whining about it in front of Chenle, for example, who always calls. 

"Things have been a little crazy because of school," he replies, which is technically true. "But, I'm sorry. I haven't been a really good bro to you, TY."

Taeyong waves it off, because he's Taeyong after all. "It's alright, Donghyuckie. I get plenty of snaps from Johnny and Lele almost every day to see that you're alive."

"They still send those?" Donghyuck groans. "I hate it when people take pictures of me without knowing!"

"I know, but it's for me, I'm your brother, remember?"

Donghyucks scoffs, but only as a joke. "I guess, you look pretty different with red hair and an eyebrow slit.  

Taeyong rolls his eyes. "You have red hair too, dummy. Don't look at the mirror enough?"

Donghyuck ignores him, "How's France?"

They chat all afternoon, which is great, and talk very little about Donghyuck's boyfriend, which is even better, and Donghyuck even gets Double Trouble on the frame so that Taeyong can talk to him. But when Taeyong ends the call and Donghyuck is left in silence once again, it hits him that it pretty much sucks not to have his brother around.

Sure, it's been like that for long now. Taeyong left when he was thirteen-ish, but that's the issue. Donghyuck doesn't like having to rely on Wifi signal and barely enough money to buy plane tickets to see his older brother. 

But then again, if that's what it takes to see Taeyong happy with his dancing classes and the perspective of actually  _ moving _ to France – he's talked about a few weeks before, during a family meeting through skype, and Donghyuck cried himself to sleep that night –, then he's alright with it.

Still, he crytypes about it in the GC with Jaemin and Renjun. And after Jaemin is done with sending him supporting memes, he updates all of his streaks on Snapchat and then waits for Chenle to come home so they can prepare dinner together.

 

.

 

Jeon Heeji invited you to her event  **Casual get together that doesn't have a cool name but it's Jeno's birthday so it makes sense not to have a cool name bc he's just so Boring with a capital B**

"What the actual fuck," Donghyuck mutters over lunch. "Are you guys going to Jeno's party?"

"Of course we are!" Jaemin replies, matter-of-factly. "Are  _ you _ not going?"

Donghyuck shrugs. "I don't know. Fuck, why were all of us born in the first half of the 2000? I've lost count of parties I've been to this year."

"Jaemin was born in August, though," Renjun points out, shrugging. He pokes at what's supposed to be smoked salmon with disgust written all over his face. "Like, unfortunately, he was born. In general. And also, it was only, like, Yukhei's birthday and mine. Are  _ you _ tired of partying, Lee Donghyuck?"

He replies maybe to Heejin's request and locks his phone, resting it on the table. Jaemin fishes his own phone out of his pocket to take a look at the event, not even bothered by Renjun's hateful remarks towards his person. He's used to it. 

"I guess? All I do at them is mope while drunk and make out, which I totally can do at home," Donghyuck replies. "But I was thinking that… My birthday is the one after Jeno's. And my birthday means graduation. It's just so close."

"I know!" exclaims Jaemin, dropping his phone on the table loudly. Renjun winces at it. "I'm so excited, just can't wait to get out of here and go to the beach!"

Renjun snorts. "You mean, just can't wait to get out of here and go to prep school, right? Our beach trip is the last fun thing you'll do before your doom, Nana."

Before Jaemin starts with his depressing rants, Donghyuck intervenes:

"Anyways, if I'm in the mood. I'll go to Jeno's. I'll let you know."

 

.

 

Thing is, he doesn't let them know. Donghyuck forgets about it spends the end of the month busy with waiting for his own college applications to return, – and arguing with his mother because he didn't tell her what he applied to – and hearing all of his classmates being happy with their futures.

Desperate isn't really the word, but Donghyuck is far from happy with the wait. But he can't find it in himself to whine about it with any of his close friends, so he does this: asks if Mark Lee wants to have a late lunch after class.

_ yeah, sure!! just lmk where & when _ , is the reply, and this is why Donghyuck finds himself eating noodles with Mark on a Friday afternoon, the very same day as Jeno's get together. 

"Did you have returns yet?" he asks, straightforwardly, and he sees it in Mark's face how he's trying to decipher if he's going to make Donghyuck upset with his answer or not, because Mark Lee truly is an open book. "I'm not gonna be sad, Mark."

"Alriiiiiight," he replies, putting down the chopsticks. "I got into that one uptown, which was my first pick. Still haven't heard about others, though, but that's it."

Donghyuck smiles. "That's great! Congrats, Mark. Literature and Linguistics, I bet?"

Mark chokes on the coke he was sipping. "Uh," he replies, after coughing. "I actually-- I went for Journalism, actually."

Donghyuck's jaw drops. 

"You what?"

"Yeah, like, you know the internship thing? That's a funny story, actually… I was at your mom's publisher. You weren't there 'cause I went in the second date available… Are you mad at me?"

"What the fuck," Donghyck replies, putting down his own chopsticks. "Of course not, Mark. Why would I be?"

The other shrugs, embarrassed. "I don't know, you-- you wanted that, didn't you? Jaemin told me that you applied for Journalism at the same uni."

Donghyuck wonders many things. First, why the hell didn't his mother tell him that Mark went to the internship thing when she absolutely adored Mark so why wouldn't she tell him about it. Second, why did he even mention to Jaemin about his applications if he was going to tell people about them. Third, he's not sure if he should be mad or not. At age sixteen, maybe he would, because Donghyuck didn't know how to deal with people liking the same things as him back then – hence, why he stopped talking to Jaemin for a whole week when he said Jeno was cute –, but now he does. He thinks, at least.

"I'm not mad you," he repeats, maybe more for him than for Mark, but it's good to see Mark letting out his breath. "And, well, yes, I did apply for it. But I also applied for Audio Engineering at other universities so, there's a chance we won't be classmates again."

He pauses. "Which is so sad, actually, I would love to boss you around in group projects at college."

" _ You _ bossing me around? We'll see about that," Mark snorts, but then he laughs. "But, we'll have to wait, right? Are you really into producing music now?"

Donghyuck shrugs. "I guess. I think what Jaemin's dad does is pretty dope, I would totally like studying it. Also because I… Don't know if I really want to be a journalist."

Mark nods. They resume eating, but at some point, the older boy speaks again:

"You'd make a pretty good one, though. A journalist, that is. Not because… Not because of your family. Just because… Of you, I guess."

At that, Donghyuck frowns, but he doesn't look up so that Mark doesn't notice. He's never heard anyone talk about it like this – like it's something he should do because it looks like his thing, not because it's a family thing –, and it makes funny things to Donghyuck's stomach. 

"Thanks," he replies, a little too late but he doesn't care.

"No probs, man."

After they pay, it's clear that they're going to the subway together, so Mark – as talkative as he is – engages in another subject: "Hey, you going to Jeno's?"

Donghyuck snorts. "You know Jeno too?"

"Pretty much?" Mark replies, scratching his own head. He smiles a little embarrassedly, but Donghyuck doesn't see it because he's busy trying not to step on the cracks in the pavement. "I mean, you know. We talk? We all do, haha, of course."

Donghyuck nods. He's done with the times in which he obsessed over anything Mark or Jeno, so it's not like he keeps track of any of them. "Nice," he says. "Jeno's a cool guy,"

"Ah, he sure is. So, you going?"

He shrugs. "I don't know. I gotta dedice yet. I'm assuming you're going?"

"Totes, in fact, I'm going there… Right now."

The subway station is right ahead, but Donghyuck's pace falters a little. He checks the time on his phone and sees that it's not even 16:00 yet. 

He doesn't mention it, though, just hums accordingly. "You know which line to get, right?"

"Duh," Mark replies, already taking out his T-money card. "Dude, I've lived here before, please."

"Yeah, like a hundred years ago, when Pangaea was a thing--"

They bicker about it until it's time to part ways, because Donghyuck is taking another line. He thanks Mark for the lunch and the talk and promises him that he'll text him if he decides to go to Jeno's later, and then goes home.

 

.

 

"You can go back if you want," Donghyuck insists, sadly looking down at his cheeseburger and fries. "Like, when I said I wanted to get out of there, I didn't-- I mean, I did mean it literally but I can--"

Yukhei shoves a french fry on his mouth. "I don't wanna go back there," he says, then leans back on his seat in the car. "I'd choose McDonald's and you over parties any time, Hyuckles."

Donghyuck shakes his head. He knows he doesn't mean it, so he munches on the french fry and continues: "It's just that, I felt awkward? Like, I'm sure Heejin invited me without telling Jeno because when I arrived he was like, beetroot red, he must think I'm so weird because of the tape!"

"I'm sure he doesn't because  _ I _ didn't think that and  _ I _ am the one who freaks out," Yukhei reassures him, and that's true, when Donghyuck stops to think about it. 

Of all his crushes, he expected Yukhei to be the worst at dealing with his tape because he's just so scandalous. He expected a lot of embarrassed screaming, but he got a fake boyfriend instead. What a turn of events. Yukhei continues: "I mean, I don't know Jeno that much but I'm sure he was "beetroot red" because the party had been going on for a while and, dayummm, that boy might be a little nerdy but he  _ knows _ how to get shitfaced…"

Donghyuck didn't mean to laugh, but he does, because Yukhei is so funny without even trying – at least he thinks he's not trying, maybe he is just to cheer Donghyuck up –, and most importantly, without drinking, because he's designated driver. That's why they're parked at McDonalds at 23:49 stuffing their faces with burgers, fries and milkshakes. Donghyuck has lost count of how many he's eaten until now, and he's sure Yukhei has ate the double.

"What are you laughing at!" the latter exclaims, giggling himself. 

"I don't know," Donghyuck replies, wholeheartedly. "I just think you're really funny."

Yukhei blushes a bright red, and takes another bite of his double cheeseburger. "Thanks," he says, and Donghyuck rolls his eyes.

"Swallow before talking, oh my God."

"That's what she said!"

Donghyuck groans, dropping the burger on the little box on his lap so he could punch a giggling Yukhei on the shoulder,  _ hard _ . 

See, Donghyuck didn't mean to run from his problems once again. There wasn't even a problem to begin with, his mom dropped him off at Jeno's because he grew bored of watching Grey's Anatomy with Chenle and "needed a little partying" (her words), and he wasn't even feeling sorry about himself like he often is at the perspective of talking to Jeno. He's even wearing kitty heels, for fuck's sake! He was off to have fun, ex-crushes envolved or not! 

Well, that until alcohol happened, and then Donghyuck just started thinking that he was such a loser for fake dating Yukhei because he didn't want to deal with his own actions in the first place. And, well, seeing Mark and Jeno there didn't help, nor did the bad booze that Jaemin had shoved into his hands – "It's a new drink! I know it looks and, well, tastes like paint but it's really good!" –, so he did the only thing he could think at the moment.

Which was, of course, running away. But this time, with Yukhei. And that's an upgrade! Donghyuck is  _ proud _ of himself, thank you very much. 

"Hey, speaking of-- well, not exactly but--," Donghyuck sighs. He turns to Yukhei, who's watching him with his big eyes and dopey smile on his lips. "Are you going to the graduation trip?"

"Well, I don't know, actually," he replies, shrugging. "I didn't go last year 'cause I flunked, and my parents got really pissed so I didn't even ask to go, you know? But now, I don't think we have the money. I'm saving my savings – haha, get it – to buy a new notebook, you know? Mine is fucked."

Donghyuck nods. "Well, the graduation committee has funds for those who need it. You can ask for it, it's the money we got with that party last year, remember?"

Yukhei tilts his head from left to right, bottom lip jutting out the way it always does when he's thinking. "I guess," he replies. "I'll talk to Eunbin about it… Do you have a roommate yet, by the way?"

A french fry falls from Donghyuck's fingers and he chuckles nervously. "I do, actually. I promised it to Hyunjin, uh, last year. Why, though?"

Yukhei shrugs. "Don't know. Thought we could… Room together. I mean, you've slept at my place before, so..."

When Donghyuck stops to think about it, maybe it was a little stupid of him to be so nervous at the idea of sleeping in the same room as Yukhei. He does sleep at Yukhei's a lot, – sometimes even in the same bed, although Donghyuck literally never sleeps when it happens, just keeps himself awake reading fanfic on his phone because he's too nervous to fall asleep –, but it's different. It really is. Graduation trip is known for sneaking booze into their bags, skinny dipping in hot tubs and well, people doing sex. And Donghyuck really doesn't want anyone thinking he'll do it in the graduation trip.

Listen, he's not a prude. What the hell. He just thinks that doing it in some beach condo far from home is fucking lame. And he knows teenagers can be really mean when they want to, so, no. Donghyuck won't give anyone the chance to talk shit about a relationship that isn't real, for starters.

"Well, sorry," he replies, wholeheartedly. "We can hang out, though. Do you know how to surf?"

Yukhei laughs, head thrown back. "Haven't got a clue, Hyuckles,"

"We can learn together, then! It'll be a pleasure to see you drowning,"

"Ah, since when did you become so mean to me, Lee Donghyuck..."

 

.

 

"Dear Lee Donghyuck," reads Chenle, high pitch and all, standing on top of his brother's bed. "Congratulations! It is with great pleasure that I offer you admission to the Class of 2021!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

His mother, too busy crying to complain about the latter, peppers his face with kisses until Donghyuck wriggles out of her embrace, only to snatch the letter out of Chenle's hands. "Shut the fuck up!" he repeats, but his hands shake too much for him to be able to focus on what's written. "Oh, my God, I got in!"

"You did, bro!" Chenle screams, jumping up and down on the bed, and then out of it so he can roll with an overexcited Double Trouble on the floor. "Donghyuck is going to be a college boy, Dot! He's gonna be a smartass, Dot"! 

Donghyuck shakes his head, lowering the letter. He looks at his mother and tries hard not to cry as well, but when she opens her arms, he's already crying.

"I'm so proud of you," she tells him. "Can't believe my baby's all grown up!"

Donghyuck sighs, face hidden in the crook of his mother's neck just like he used to do as a kid. "Mom," he says. "I put Journalism as my undergraduate. I didn't tell you because I didn't wanna raise your expectations,"

She squeezes him into an even tighter hug, "Attaboy," replies her, sniffling. "But, you know, if you end up not liking it… You can always change, kiddo,"

"I know," he smiles, then pushes himself off her, rubbing knuckles against his wet eyes. "Fuck, I gotta tell Taeyong!"

Still on the floor, Chenle teases: "Language, you college boy!"

 

.

 

When Donghyuck tells Yukhei about it, first thing in the morning, he kisses him square on the mouth. Which is, itself, his first mistake judging by how they're alone in his car, with no one to watch the show, since Chenle won't ride with them today because he slept at Jisung's. 

"Oh my God," Yukhei starts, eyes the size of the moon, scandalized and leaning back on his seat. "I really didn't mean to, I just-- I'm sorry, Donghyuck,"

The second mistake, which Donghyuck doesn't point out because he might call himself a confident gay but he doesn't have the guts right now, is that Yukhei stops kissing him and is looking like he wants to jump out of the window. 

"Hey," Donghyuck says, and his lips burn. "Hey, Xuxi, it's alright. Really."

Yukhei shakes his head. "No, really, I didn't want to upset you--"

"Yukhei."

Silence.

Donghyuck touches him on the shoulder, very lightly. "It's alright," he repeats. 

When the other sighs, visibly relaxing, and starts the engine, Donghyuck takes one last look at his face and then turns to the window. He's thinking that he's indeed upset, but not for the reason Yukhei thinks he is.

Thing is, he's not even sorry about the kiss. And  _ that's _ the problem.

"So," Yukhei starts, when they arrive at the school. "Do you wanna have dinner at mine later? I'll cook!"

Donghyuck hates himself for asking, but he still does: "Is this a fake boyfriend thing or a Xuxi and Donghyuck thing?"

Yukhei grabs his bag on the backseat and looks at him, bottom lip caught between his teeth. After a while, he finally replies: "It's a Xuxi and Donghyuck thing."

(A little part of him wants to believe that they're on the same page here, but Donghyuck needs to learn how to keep his feelings at bay. He says yes, though, and it's selfish, and he hopes that Yukhei can forgive him for that.) 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HHHH I HOPE YOU LIKED THIS GOODBYE!!!
> 
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